Sometimes, it is hard to go back home again. You forget the rules. Yesterday, i went to Chapel Hill. i saw a bunch of friends, did some familiar stuff, visited some special places... [in case you've never been, Chapel Hill is the happiest place on earth. Or, one of them at least]. So, at 10:30 i am in the back of my friend's little car [he's a tall guy, which makes it funny] and my phone rings. It is my dad, calling on behalf of my mom, who is worried. Very worried. She hadn't heard from me since noon. It is just a culture shock, being used to doing my own thing and thinking 10:30 is really really early. i am off to Colorado soon though, so she won't have to worry much longer.


i've been putting on and putting off too many people
and i'm getting old to live like an injured man
ailment and unfilled prescription, like the nose on my face
like a broken boat, a safety raft, and a love for the water
i just can't decide to sink or swim, it's me or them
should i save myself or go back for the others?

maybe there's no gray and i was wrong to tell 'em so
and maybe all that i've to do was done a long time ago

there was life before my life, there was provision before my need
there was redemption before my sin, for the sake of the world i thank the Lord
that the truth's not contingent on me

i've been dressing up and dressing down for too many people
and i'm a little young to live like a troubled boy, a troubled soul
a fish out of water, because were all just the same
were all just as good and just as bad and just as distracted
by the corners of our eyes as our fathers were, and theirs before
and all those before them, and here i glance around

but with the way i stare you'd think i'd seen through a 2 x 4
and with the way i walk you'd think i'd never seen grace before


i've been putting up and putting down too many things
that i know nothing about, but i'm jealous of
holding pride as tight as i can
like she was my only daughter


THE TRUTH by derek webb [from Caedmon's Call's enhanced EP Intimate Portrait]


aol is not my friend.


i went to see Pearl Harbor this weekend. It was a good flick. i guess today i am just realizing how little i know or care about the men who gave their lives fightingto preserve the freedom and rights that i take for granted. Memorial Day... the beginning of summer ... a day off work and school ... a good excuse to grill out ... but so much more. Thank you, veterans, wherever you may be. i hope and pray that our country and what it stands for continue to be worth fighting for.


Crown Him with many crowns, the Lamb upon His throne.
Hark! How the heavenly anthem drowns all music but its own.
Awake, my soul, and sing of Him who died for thee,
And hail Him as thy matchless King through all eternity.

Crown Him the Son of God, before the worlds began,
And ye who tread where He hath trod, crown Him the Son of Man;
Who every grief hath known that wrings the human breast,
And takes and bears them for His own, that all in Him may rest.

Crown Him the Lord of life, who triumphed over the grave,
And rose victorious in the strife for those He came to save.
His glories now we sing, Who died, and rose on high,
Who died eternal life to bring, and lives that death may die.

Crown Him the Lord of love, behold His hands and side,
Those wounds, yet visible above, in beauty glorified.
All hail, Redeemer, hail! For Thou has died for me;
Thy praise and glory shall not fail throughout eternity.


i miss school. i miss my independence. i miss the people. i miss reading and learning. i miss the pit. i miss the people.


Wow! IV camp rocked! I was in an all new track, Good News. i had just taken the Contagious Christian track at Word and Walk so i was leery of doing it, because i feared overlap. i have no idea why i ended up choosing it, well, it was certainly God. Our track was about owning the gospel for ourselves, realizing more of its depth, so that we would be inspired to share it. And they taught us some practical stuff too. i realized more than ever how much my friends need the gospel, and how effectively to share in a postmodern culture. i am really excited about the way my chapter is catching the vision on the outreach front, we could have normal people in our midst soon!


Well, faithful readers and occasional surfers, i am off for a week of InterVarsity camp at Young Life's Rockbridge, returning Tuesday the 22nd. While i am learning and relaxing, i will not have the opportunity to blog. During this hiatus, please consider the following so that you can advise me when i return. email, if you really have an idea of what to do :o)

How can i be friendly but not flirtatious with someone i don't like and somewhat conversely, how can i be just flirtatious enough with one of my friends to let him know that i might respond favorably if he wanted to ask me out?


Christian Radio is so irksome. This afternoon i was cleaning up the kitchen and trying to find decent radio [ha! an oxymoron!] to listen to. I found a Christian FM station and for kicks and jollies, i waited until they gave the listener request line and called. First i tried to request Bebo's new single [the cd comes out tomorrow! order it!]. They didn't have it. Then i tried "The Chasing Song" a single Andrew Peterson released in the fall. nope. Then ANYTHING from Long Line of Leavers. rejected. They did have "Nothing to Say" by Andrew but had recently played it. i settled for requesting "Lead of Love" which, for the record, they never played. I am launching a boycott.


Jehovah Jireh, my provider
His grace is sufficient for me

My God shall supply all my needs
According to His riches in glory
He gives His angels charge over me
Jehovah Jireh cares for me

[lacking inspiration from Faith Baptist in Youngsville this AM, i posted this old school chorus because the words rock, even if the tune is pretty lame]


i loathe packing. It makes me wish i didn't have material possessions. The only cool thing is when you discover something you'd lost or forgotten. But really, overall, packing nears cruel and unusual punishment.

i even made a better grade in one of my classes [Classics] than i projected!
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!


Small joys for Wednesday -- a free all-you-can-eat meal in Lenoir [unc's finest dining facility] ... good frozen yogurt in said cafeteria ... knowing that in just 47 hours i will be finished with finals ... seeing random friends outside the library ... e-mails from new friends ... good news from old friends ... participating in obscure song referencing ... "just bottoms" from Old Navy ... [insert your small joy HERE]

i am writing my take home exam for my class on "Persecution, Tolerance and Freedom in the Christian Traditions." 40% of my exam is evaluating Bush's proposal of allowing public social welfare funds to go to religiously affiliated organizations. Any thoughts? Post to the Back 40. Richard probably won't mind...

What i really meant by that last post is that i can't imagine myself with an 8 to 5, punch in and punch out job. Really, the thought of such employment scares me.


Praise God! My first few exams have gone REALLY well. i can't believe that on Friday, half of my college career will be over. This has led me to reflect on what i want to do after college. i would love to study contemporary religions and teach at the college level. InterVarsity staff could certainly get me. [aside to the kind reader: this is in young-life-ese. i left it to show what a dork i am. if something gets you, you like it, or it interests you] Heck, if i were married, i'd have a few kids and stay at home. Except i don't really have prospects on that front so right now i am limited to grad school and iv staff. hmmm...


Before the throne of God above, i have a strong, a perfect plea,
A great High Priest whose name is Love, Who ever lives and pleads for me.
My name is graven on His hands, My name is written on His heart,
i know that while in heaven He stands, No tongue can bid me thence depart,
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair, And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward i look and see Him there, Who made an end to all my sin.
Because the sinless Saviour died, My sinful soul is counted free,
For God the Just is satisfied, To look on Him and pardon me,
To look on Him and pardon me.

Behold Him there! The risen Lamb, My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangable I AM, The King of glory and of grace.
One with Himself i cannot die, My soul is purchased with His blood,
My life is hid with Christ on high, With Christ my Saviour and my God,
With Christ my Saviour and my God.

BEFORE THE THRONE OF GOD ALONE by Charitie L. Bancroft [1841-1892]


Exams and a bad cold just don't mix. Instead of hard core studying, i have been sleeping like it is my job. Friendly, sympathetic emails and gifts of caffeine [if you are nearby] are greatly appreciated. Most of the time i can be found napping on the couches in the fireside room of the Chapel Hill Bible Church where the college ministry is kind enough to provide snacks and study space for weary students. They are about to move into a new facility [the current one is an 8 minute walk from my dorm] and i will miss the old one. Exams aren't exams without easy cheese on crackers and random chocolates from the Bible Church.


[part two of an occasional series on silly Christianese relationship mantras]

This post is appropriate right now in a lot of ways. One, i was discussing it a little bit over coffee last night with friends and two, in the near future i could be deciding whether or not to date someone, since i am single again. So, what are my criteria? Striving to be Godly is the first. To me, this boils down to needing someone who will be a good spiritual leader to me and our future family, not just someone who is a Christian for "fire-insurance" reasons. Wanting to have a family is tremendously important. Intelligence is severely practical as i expect my future husband to challenge me and teach me throughout our lifetimes. I also want to marry someone i can understand to some degree, so openness and honesty go on the list. A sense of adventure is also on the list, because i love to try new things and go new places. Common interests are a huge plus. So is romance ;o) Finally there is that intangible attraction and the feeling you get in your gut when you are with someone and you know that it is right. I know God has the perfect mate picked out for me. I am trusting Him in His sovereignty to get that right, above and beyond the list, which merely comes out of the desires for a husband He has placed on my heart.

wow, i have my first exam in an just over an hour!


What is it with the fascination with mullets these days? i went to this party at Mrs. D's, the Christian guys house and i saw this guy i know who had recently given himself the most hideous mullet in the history of the world. Okay, then i am checking out the cover to my pre-release of the new bebo album. Bebo has a mullet. Make it stop!


i can't wait until i am 21 and can go out with Georgina. The funniest stuff happens in bars in Chapel Hill. Last night my sophisticated, gorgeous roommate got hit on by a man with a real, honest-to-goodness, genuine mullet. He even bought her a drink. Jealously abounds.

[an occasional series where i post my personal highlights in one chapter of the Psalms]

for You are my hope; O Lord God, You are my confidence from my youth.
by You i have been sustained from my birth; You are He who took me from my mother's womb;
my praise is continually of You. i have become a marvel to many, for You are my strong refuge.
my mouth is filled with Your praise and with Your glory all day long.
but as for me, i will hope continually; and will praise You yet more and more.
for Your righteousness, O God, reaches to the heavens,
You who have done great things; O God who is like You?
may You increase my greatness and turn to comfort me


dan and i broke up. It was right but hard. Relationships are really difficult and sometimes i doubt they are worthwhile. However, i know that God has used this time to teach me a lot and that He is sovereign over my future. i will let you all know when i start accepting applications for a new guy :o)