an old essay i wanted to share
Gentle reader, first and foremost I must establish that I am completely in favor of male-female friendships. As God created the sexes with all their differences and distinctions, I believe he made them to be complementary units, and this nature would be wasted if only reserved for marriage. However, I believe that all close relationships between people of different genders results in a weirdness that we will call “sexual tension” for our purposes. This sexual tension is healthy and normal, as long as we remain aware that it can and will occur.

The first time I heard this idea proposed, I found it quite preposterous. “Guys and girls can’t JUST be friends without ever liking each other? That’s not true!” But as I began to evaluate my close male friendships I found that the majority of them I have at one point or another, had some sort of issues with. Oftentimes the manifestation of sexual tension would be brief and fleeting, a quick thought of “why I am not dating him? He’s so quality and we’re already tight.” But I will admit to a few crushes of more than just a few hours on male friends of mine in the past. Still, I stuck to my guns. “This is merely a simple majority! And I am a girl, the weaker sex! Surely some of these guys never ever thought of me as a potential girlfriend. Like "bob". We were friends for 4 years. He certainly never liked me.” Several weeks later I got a call from "bob", out of the blue. Happily dating someone where he currently resides, he nonchalantly mentioned, “Kristen, did you ever figure out that I had the hots for you in 9th and 10th grade?

As I began to lose my hostile defensiveness and consider the idea, I began to see its validity. God created male and female to be attracted to one another, and it is natural to be attracted to those you are in close relationships with. However, we cannot use the inevitability of such feelings to encourage them. We need to be aware of our own feelings and be careful not to promote the feelings of others. I can not sit through another “practice” rendition of “She Don’t Know She is Beautiful” some guy friend of mine is intending to play for a girl he likes. It isn’t good for my heart. And i need to make distinctions between intimate things i NEED to get a male opinion on, and things that might be ok to share with a female friend. Sharing our lives with one another is one of our greatest privileges as brothers and sisters. A heightened awareness to our distinctiveness and weakness for one another will help to make male-female relationships blessings rather than points of struggle.

and i am shifty, i needed to change my colors again.

Happy Reformation Day, and Halloween as well. Did you know that today is the anniversary of Martin Luther posting his Theses? In all the hullabaloo take some time to reflect on the reformers. So what is everyone dressing up as tonight? Where are you headed off to?


i love the fall colors outside. sorry if my blog blinds you with them.


the retreat was great. fabulous worship, great student speakers, a kickin' small group, zany free time and weepy women's prayer. it was so good to get away, though it was CbOrLrDr! i love south chapter intervarsity even if i sometimes am too cynical about its faults.

Many men will drink the rain and turn to thank the clouds
Many men will hear You speak but they will never turn around

I will not forget You are my God, my King
And with a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what You can give
But what I alone can give to you

A grateful heart I give, A thankful prayer I pray,
A wild dance I dance before you
A loud song I sing, A huge bell I ring,
A life of praise I live before You

Many men will pour their gold and serve a thing that shines
Many men will read your words but they will never change their minds

I will not forget You are my God, my King
And with a thankful heart I bring my offering
And my sacrifice is not what You can give
But what I alone can give to you

A grateful heart I give, A thankful prayer I pray,
A wild dance I dance before you
A loud song I sing, A huge bell I ring,
A life of praise I live before You


car accidents suck, even if no one gets hurt.


i switched to blogback because reblogger was driving me crazy. plus, now i lost all of those crazy comments from before :o)

Sometimes i wonder if all my energy is spent in vain. i feel as if i spend all my time chasing after what's worthless. So what should i chase? God. He's chasing me though, so that's just a funny picture of kristen chasing God chasing kristen... What about friendship and laughter and love and music and good grades? Can i pursue them? How much can i invest? in who? How do i know where to start? The longer i think the more i question. And what about those days when your heart wants to pursue something your head doesn't... do you trust your feet to lead you where you ought to go? i want a map and a compass, myself.

"happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear Chris
happy birthday to you"
[from kristen and tammy]


select smart quizzes are nifty, although brief. here are some i've taken in the Religion category and the results:

#1 Orthodox Presbyterian Church
#2 Lutheran Church Missouri Synod
#3 Reformed Presbyterian Church of North America

# 1 ARPC Associate Reformed Presbyterian Church
# 2 OPC Orthodox Presbyterian Church
# 3 RCUS Reformed Church of the United States
# 4 RPCNA Reformed Presbyterian Church of North America
# 5 PCA Presbyterian Church of America

i pulled a near all-nighter sunday/monday so last night i slept about 12 hours. i think that balances out.


i got in a giggling fit while i was giving a presentation in my Mormonism seminar. i am a dork


Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide; in every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake to guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; all now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds shall know his voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart, and all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart, who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay from His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on when we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone, sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past all safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise on earth, be leaving, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways, so shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

by Katharina A. von Schlegel, 1752


sometimes i hate my car.

Here's the report thus far, in reverse chronological order so you can pretend i blogged it all as it happened:

[[Pierce Pettis at the Six String]] Wow. i have always really appreciated Pierce. i own his CDs. i listen to them often. Seeing him live brings that to a whole new dimension. He is really goofy, but cool. Man, it was a great show. i can't put it to words. The small intimate venue. How everything he played was my favorite, just for that moment. and i went with my dad. How cool is that? He's the coolest dad ever. He had a really good time too. He told me afterwards, "Wow, thanks for thinking of me, Kristen, it was my pleasure to come with you. that was awesome." it also afforded him a chance to tell me all about alternate tunings. Not that he doesn't already, but he always likes a good excuse to do so :o)

[[The North Carolina State Fair]] i love the state fair. All the livestock: cows and chickens and ducks and pigs! Rides! Good fair food, i went with a milky way deep fried in funnel cake batter and served on a stick... how yummy! Stickers from law enforcement agencies that say "Jr. Whatever"! The worlds largest pig! If you have a fair locally, whether state or county or what have you, i recommend going.

[[Derek and Sandra at the Lincoln Theatre]] what a great show. first, i got to see Mark and Christina Williams, which is a rare pleasure along with the more frequent pleasure of hanging with Dawn, Jamie and Dave. it was good to see Sandra for the first time. She's got some great songs and is a really solid performer. Derek live was phenomenal. i prefer it to the last few times i've seen Caedmon's. He played some new songs (including "Wedding Dress" which is fabulous) and all my favorite old ones, some reworked with different music, which was neat. for the curious, that included "Crooked Deep Down" "Dance" "Daring Daylight Escape" "Faith My Eyes" "Somewhere North of Here" "Table for Two" "The Rich Song."

[[hanging around town]] i don't know if anyone who reads this grew up in a small town. i merely went to high school in a small town (where my family still resides) and it is bizarre how predictable and funny it is. Everyone knows everyone. i had to go to this open house at the big law firm in town. An annual tradition which pairs the hobnobbing with great Southern eats: Brunswick Stew, Hush Puppies, Country Ham Biscuits, Banana Cream Pie and some mighty fine Sweet Tea. i saw some of my mom's friends and my co-editor of the school newspaper. They recently changed the name from "The Cougar Chronicle" to "Forest Fire"... i don't really care. but it was big news. The thing about these functions is that one must smile a lot, say hi to everyone and then find someone to get in a good conversation with so that you look busy. Before this little exercise in socialization, i watched the middle school football game. My sister is captain of the cheerleading squad. and Student Body President. And Beta Club President. Basically, she is queen. It's really humourous. Now i'm "Laura's college sister." Good thing i don't have identity issues!


fall break, all four days of it. no classes, time with the fam, good concerts (pierce pettis and derek webb!) and the north carolina state fair. nothing could be finer!


i am becoming a regular dorm chef. yesterday, pork terryaki and rice. today, i spiced up some oriental flavor ramen by draining it and adding sauteed mushrooms, peppers and onions. i think my mom would be proud.


Tammy brought a fish tank and some cheap-o goldfish from home last night. One has already died, but i am excited about having fish. I'll go talk to the fish nazis at Aquarium Outfitters in Wake Forest and they'll hook me up with some dorm-friendly fish.


If Thou hast drawn a thousand times
Around me cast the Spirit’s bands

Draw me from created good, from self, the world, and sin
To the fountain of Thy blood, and make me pure within

If Thou hast drawn a thousand times
Around me cast the Spirit’s bands

Lead me to Thy mercy-seat, oh draw me nearer still
Like Mary draw me to Thy feet, to sit and learn Thy will

If Thou hast drawn a thousand times
Around me cast the Spirit’s bands

Draw me all the desert through, with cords of heav’nly love
And when prepared for going home oh draw me up above


i wish i played the guitar more often. i am ashamed of myself.


Yesterday i had a Eustace day. i just saw my sin so clearly and it hurt. i am disgusted by myself. but for the grace of God...

"I won't tell you how I became a - dragon till I can tell the others and get it all over," said Eustace. "By the way, I didn't even know it was a dragon till I heard you all using the word when I turned up here the other morning. I want to tell you how I stopped being one."

"Fire ahead," said Edmund.

… "I looked up and saw the very last thing I expected: a huge lion coming slowly toward me. And one queer thing was that there was no moon last night, but there was moonlight where the lion was. So it came nearer and nearer. I was terribly afraid of it. You may think that, being a dragon, I could have knocked any lion out easily enough. But it wasn't that kind of fear. I wasn't afraid of it eating me, I was just afraid of it - if you can understand. Well, it came close up to me and looked straight into my eyes. And I shut my eyes tight. But that wasn't any good because it told me to follow it."

"You mean it spoke?

"I don't know. Now that you mention it, I don't think it did. But it told me all the same. And I knew I'd have to do what it told me, so I got up and followed it. And it led me a long way into the mountains. And there was always this moonlight over and round the lion wherever we went. So at last when we came to the top of a mountain I'd never seen before and on the top of this mountain there was a garden - trees and fruit and everything. In the middle of it there was a well.

"I knew it was a well because you could see the water bubbling up from the bottom of it: but it was a lot bigger than most wells - like a very big, round bath with marble steps going down into it. The water was as clear as anything and I thought if I could get in there and bathe it would ease the pain in my leg. But the lion told me I must undress first. Mind you, I don't know if he said any words out loud or not.

"I was just going to say that I couldn't undress because I hadn't any clothes on when I suddenly thought that dragons are snaky sort of things and snakes can cast their skins. Oh, of course, thought I, that's what the lion means. So I started scratching myself and my scales began coming off all over the place. And then I scratched a little deeper and, instead of just scales coming off here and there, my whole skin started peeling off beautifully like it does after an illness, or as if I was a banana. In a minute or two I just stepped out of it. I could see it lying there beside me, looking rather nasty. It was almost a lovely feeling. So I started to go down into the well for my bathe.

"But just as I was going to put my feet into the water I looked down and saw that they were all hard and rough and wrinkled and scaly just as they had been before. Oh, that's all right, said I, it only means I had another smaller suit on underneath the first one, and I'll have to get out of it too. So I scratched and tore again and this underskin peeled off beautifully and out I stepped and left it lying beside the other one and went down to the well for my bathe.

"Well, exactly the same thing happened again. And I thought to myself, oh dear, how ever many skins have I got to take off? For I was longing to bathe my leg. So I scratched away for the third time and got off a third skin, just like the two others, and stepped out of it. But as soon as I looked at myself in the water I knew it had been no good.

"Then the lion said - but I don't know if it spoke - 'You will have to let me undress you.' I was afraid of his claws, I can tell you, but I was pretty nearly desperate now. So I just lay flat down on my back to let him do it.

"The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. And when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know - if you've ever picked the scab off a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."

"I know exactly what you mean." Said Edmund.

"Well, he peeled the beastly stuff right off - just as I thought I'd done it myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt - and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thinker, and darker, and more knobly-looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me - I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on - and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything but only for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious and as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm. And then I saw why. I'd turned into a boy again.."

"After a bit the lion took me out and dressed me -"

"Dressed you. With his paws?"

"Well, I don't exactly remember that bit. But he did somehow or other: in new clothes--the same ones i've got on now as a matter of fact. And then suddenly i was back here. Which is what makes me think it must have been a dream."

... "I think you've seen Aslan," said Edmund.

from C.S. Lewis' The Voyage of the Dawn Treader many thanks to Dawn


i am sick. this is my third day of being sick. yesterday i was sneezing and sounding nasally and one of my coworkers said, "hey Kristen, are you sick?" to which i replied, "Unfortunately, yes" "What are your symptoms?" "muscle aches, sore throat, congestion..." and then she interrupted me to say "ohhh. that might be anthrax."


i wanted to wait until i had thought about it before i commented on the air strikes. so, here goes. i am really glad they are dropping humanitarian aid. As Brandon displayed, the Afgans are a poor people, poor in resources and in spirit. if they are really hitting their military targets and eliminating the evil Taliban, it doesn't sound like a bad idea on the whole. However, you can't go to war on terrorism. Inherently, terrorists are spread out and secretive, and they don't care if they live or die. When they do die they are considered martyrs, which often pushes those on the fence into the fold of terrorism. So, it would be naive to think that this war will end terrorism. i hope the nation understands that.


i really appreciate my good guy friends. however i am beginning to tire of doling out girl advice. everyone i know likes someone right now, i swear.


Praise to the Lord, the Almighty, the King of creation!
O my soul, praise Him, for He is thy health and salvation!
All ye who hear, now to His temple draw near;
Praise Him in glad adoration.

Praise to the Lord, Who over all things so wondrously reigneth,
Shelters thee under His wings, yea, so gently sustaineth!
Hast thou not seen how thy desires ever have been
Granted in what He ordaineth?

Praise to the Lord, Who doth prosper thy work and defend thee;
Surely His goodness and mercy here daily attend thee.
Ponder anew what the Almighty can do,
If with His love He befriend thee.

Praise to the Lord, O let all that is in me adore Him!
All that hath life and breath, come now with praises before Him.
Let the Amen sound from His people again,
Gladly for all we adore Him.
PRAISE TO THE LORD, THE ALMIGHTY by Joachim Neander, 1680


yesterday was so beautiful. a great temperature--high of 73--and a light breeze. sunshine. blue skies with big, puffy white clouds softly rolling in about 1:30, while i was having class on the upper quad. it was the sort of day where i bumped into people that make me smile and i rarely see. a true blessing. today, it rained. i got to wear sandals and play in it. it was chilly. and we won the football game. i liked that weather, too.


One of my best friends is a third grade teacher in an inner city school in a neighbouring city. Yesterday, one of her students left her class for good. He wasn't expelled for bad behaviour. His mom didn't get a better job offer somewhere else. No, his oldest sister [now 14] disappeared Sunday night. Last year she testified against a gang in court and now there's a hit order out on the whole family. Mom, 14 year old girl, 12 year old girl and 8 year old boy. Well established in their community. All three kids went to the same elementary school where the mother has taken a very active role. Last night they left town, all of their most precious belongings in the car. Leaving the state to try to find refuge in a new place, with new people. How can i be proud of a nation that allows such tragedy to happen, without shedding a tear? How can i fly a flag and talk about going to war with terrorists when we allow members of our own society to tear us apart from the inside? How can i not forget?


Thursday's make me feel like a grown-up. i work or am in class 9 to 5. right now i am so groggy i need to go get a cup of coffee. at least this office has flavoured creamer.

i wore pajamas to 8 am prayer this morning. That's what happens when you wake up at 7:42! So, to correct this social blunder [since it is not yet November] i decided to wear a skirt today. Scratch that. i'm lying. i wore a skirt because the high was 85 and i preferred a skirt to shorts at the moment i was dressing. Anyway, to the point. Almost everyone i saw made a comment. "you look so nice!" was the most frequent. the award for sweetest comment goes to "you look so pretty, Kristen, really." the award for the weirdest comment goes to "wow. you aren't wearing your chacos OR birkenstocks." Honestly, all the commentation made me feel sort of odd. i am not sure if i will repeat this random skirt wearing again.


okay, i admit it. i like punk covers of love songs. i'll never listen to punk music all the time, but the covers are great.
i feel so... guilty.

i put new strings on my guitar. i still can't relative tune, but i can replace strings. someday i might be a guitarist yet.