partly fiction // partly fact

2002-03-28T08:57:00.000-05:00

We all have dreams and fantasy futures, things we long to happen to ourselves. However, what do you do when fantasy and reality don't match up? Trade in the fantasy for a mediocre reality or hold on and hold out--hoping and dreaming that one day all will come to fruition beyond your wildest imagination? My desire to stay grounded screams the former, but my yearning for adventure pleads for the latter. The two forces battle with neither emerging clearly victorious. And the war rages on.

this is a rerun from almost exactly a year ago. it's one of my favourite posts so i figured it was worth ending on.

2002-03-27T11:19:00.000-05:00

i've decided to stop blogging. As the apostle said, everything is permissible but not all things are beneficial. With lots of schoolwork lurking on the calendar and a new call to go full-throttle with some things on campus, it just seemed good timing to call it quits. Blogging has given me a chance to process what's going on in kristen-land, to ask good questions and to make friends with people a whole lot smarter and wiser than i am. i have learned so much and beyond that i've enjoyed my tenure in the blogger community. But a new season is emerging. i'll still be lurking about and maybe i'll drop a blogga-style email if anything really cool happens (i did see Stanley Hauerwas yesterday...). i'll always be available via email and after this weekend, i'll be back on AIM so drop me a line! Many thanks to Jim and Wayne for working towards hosting me. You guys are the real deal.

Consider this post a permanent away message. "i'm off searching for a summer job, writing about Calvin and Augustine, enjoying the sunshine, reading and caring for small group leaders. please let me know how you are."

grace to you, and peace.

2002-03-25T10:12:00.000-05:00

Oftentimes, the right thing to do is the very hardest thing of all.

2002-03-24T16:00:00.000-05:00

REFRAIN [sung after each verse]
All glory, laud and honour, to Thee, Redeemer, King,
To Whom the lips of children made sweet hosannas ring.

Thou art the King of Israel, Thou David's royal Son,
Who in the Lord?s Name comest, the King and Blessèd One.

The company of angels are praising Thee on High,
And mortal men and all things created make reply.

The people of the Hebrews with palms before Thee went;
Our prayer and praise and anthems before Thee we present.

To Thee, before Thy passion, They sang their hymns of praise;
To Thee, now high exalted, our melody we raise.

Thou didst accept their praises; accept the prayers we bring,
Who in all good delightest, Thou good and gracious King.

2002-03-22T01:38:00.000-05:00

Since i have been using extreme tracking on my blog, i've noticed all sorts of exciting hits. From the old Arpanet and from the Netherlands and Japan and Belgium and South Africa and Poland and lots of other countries (thanks to Google). But no ip address has thrilled me as much as my hit tonight from makdaddygq.Stanford.EDU.

2002-03-22T00:00:00.000-05:00

Finally, a new Credenda/Agenda. Some of it i like and some of it peeves me. Let's just say that the article on young women and athletics elicited several what the crap?s. What do you think?

2002-03-21T19:54:00.000-05:00

My friend Jamie has resurrected her blog and created something quite unlike any other blogs i frequent... it's all haikus. She's pretty dang good at writing them, as well as writing songs and keeping life under control for everyone. We love you, Jamie!

2002-03-20T10:39:00.000-05:00

the Washington Post on being a redhead.

2002-03-19T21:12:00.000-05:00

Today some girl in my Evangelicalism in America class used so many cliches in a minute that i isolated a few and wrote a bad poem about them to amuse myself in a class discussion that was going nowhere.

God is good -- all the time
the fundy baptists like to cry
proclaim on giant highway boards
cross-stitch on pillows for their homes

what about when the thunder rolls
when lightning strikes their dwelling holes
when the flood waters rise so quick, so high
they fear that they will drown and die

i hope that through the dark they see
good folks still have to fight bad things
though "why?" may be common, it's dumb to ask
just trust God and the wisdom he has

spinning: _becoming the moon_ by mark williams
reading: Hamlet

2002-03-18T23:14:00.000-05:00

The past few weeks i've appreciated the blooming pear trees all around the Triangle. From a distance, they're beautiful trees, but beyond that they bring hope to the first unsure weeks of Spring. Early March is full of spring showers and planting seeds. It's cloudier than any other month of the year. Spring and all that comes with it just does not seem like much of a reality except for those trees. They are the promise of what's to come. Today it struck me that this serves as a good analogy for life in general. When the chill of winter has yielded to the rain and work of early Spring, look for the pear trees.

2002-03-18T10:35:00.000-05:00

i updated the blog roll. If you're bored you can go visit the names you're unfamiliar with!

reading: things by and about Calvin and Augustine (surprise, surprise)
spinning: Revolver, tAC 1 and Chase the Buffalo
watching: Zoolander

2002-03-17T00:22:00.000-05:00

And let those who will, laugh and scorn---I shall not be silent; nor shall I hide the signs and wonders which the Lord has shown me many years before they came to pass, as He knows everything even before the times of the world. Hence I ought unceasingly to give thanks to God who often pardoned my folly and my carelessness, and on more than one occasion spared His great wrath on me, who was chosen to be His helper and who was slow to do as was shown me and as the Spirit suggested. And the Lord had mercy on me thousands and thousands of times because He saw that I was ready, but that I did not know what to do in the circumstances. For many tried to prevent this my mission; they would even talk to each other behind my back and say: `Why does this fellow throw himself into danger among enemies who have no knowledge of God?' It was not malice, but it did not appeal to them because---and to this I own myself---of my rusticity. And I did not realize at once the grace that was then in me; now I understand that I should have done so before.
--from the Confession of St. Patrick

2002-03-15T15:17:00.000-05:00

[r e v e r s e . f r i d a y . f i v e]
"concerning music"

.1. what is the last cd you purchased?
.2. what is the last concert you attended?
.3. who is the most underrated musician in your humble opinion?
.4. who is the most overrated "musician" in your humble opinion?
.5. what cd do you think you'll purchase next?

please answer in the commentation :o)

2002-03-14T23:48:00.000-05:00

Just in case you were wondering, gossip is addressed by the Bible. God doesn't think too highly of it. Neither do i.

2002-03-14T11:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Pi Day everyone. Celebrate by watching the movie Pi, eating some pie, singing Pi Day songs or just thinking about your favourite circular objects.

2002-03-13T02:36:00.000-05:00

i can't sleep. i am perplexed with a random bout of paranoia. And to add to my woes, blogspot is down. The upside to the evening was that i finally saw the gilmore girls for the first time. Not being a television viewer, i'll likely never see it again, but whatever. i'm going to try to sleep again.

2002-03-12T16:23:00.000-05:00

So, the question of the day (week? month?) is:
How should reformed people today be impacted by Calvin's theonomy?

reading: Calvin's _Institutes of the Christian Religion_ (Book Four), Kaufman's _Redeeming Politics_ and Ryle's _Holiness_
spinning: the Beatles, Bruce Cockburn, Feb 2002 and Glen Phillips
watching: the Princess Bride and Moulin Rouge

2002-03-11T14:09:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my youngest sister's birthday so after church and my brother's soccer game, we went to Kanki for dinner. Very fun! i was so so excited because Sarah was in town and i made plans to visit with her today. My car being broken, i left my dad at his place of employment and took his jeep. i picked Sarah up and we headed to our place for lunch. The car smoked as we pulled into the parking lot so being the resourceful women we are, we ate and then put some water in it when we left. it continued to smoke but we figured we'd just try to get home. we didn't make it. We did make it to Wake Forest, which was a blessing, we suppose. We broke down one light (about half a mile) away from my road off Capital Boulevard/US 1. A nice man told us not to drive any farther and offered us a ride, but we elected to walk. We had a nice leisurely stroll, got honked at thirteen times (a personal record for both of us), and made it home safely. Now my car is broke in the driveway and Dad's is broke on the side of the road. We are a ghetto car kinda family. Well, Sarah is still here and i am going to keep spending QT with her. :o)

2002-03-09T12:29:00.000-05:00

Home sweet home. When i am at school, i forget about the bonuses that go along with home, other than the obvious main perk of getting to see my family. Fringe benes include: not having to wear flip-flops in the shower, the option of a bath, sleeping close to the ground instead of on a loft, better food, a dvd player, free laundry facilities whenever i want to use them... this week is going to be nice :o)

i got a referral from someone searching for Christian men snobby. i am hoping by blogging those words together i can go from #15 closer to the top ;o)

2002-03-08T00:17:00.000-05:00

Spring Break is upon us. In the afternoon, i head home to spend my time with family and friends, researching and looking for a summer job. Getting to see my friends from AZ is really exciting and i am pumped about family time and John Calvin but the job hunt... yikes. Maybe this is snobby, but i really don't want to work in food service. i've avoided it thus far and i like that trend. i could be a waitress, but i have a feeling my summer may be spent as a sandwich artiste or at the DQ ala that girl from Waiting for Guffman. it's so funny to look for a summer job at home after interning for two summers in cool locales. what can one do in a small town for the summer to earn money that is not mundane and torturous?

spinning: an old comp called "somewhat sappy songs" consisting of good love songs that don't nauseate me. it was on the dresser.
reading: _The Late Great Planet Earth_ by Hal Lindsey
watching: _Miller's Crossing_, an Irish gangster flick -- i rather liked it.

2002-03-07T00:18:00.000-05:00

I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make her boast in the LORD: the humble shall hear thereof, and be glad. O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together. I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears. They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed. This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them. O taste and see that the LORD is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. O fear the LORD, ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear him. The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the LORD shall not want any good thing.
PSALM 34:1-10 // King James Version // a meditation tonight

2002-03-05T23:07:00.000-05:00

A quiz to tell you what career would have suited you best in the Middle Ages. i got "Benevolent Ruler"... how about you?

spinning: feb 2002
reading: random poetry the Brownings wrote.

2002-03-05T18:00:00.000-05:00

Abortion is up for popular vote in Ireland. Let's pray for the realization of the sanctity of all life to move in their hearts.

spinning: Claire Holley (_self titled_ on YEP records)
reading: _As You Like It_

2002-03-04T15:17:00.000-05:00

Last night, we played Dook over at their tin can of a basketball stadium, Cameron. For the first time in my recollection, my suite had toliet paper despite that. i guess i should back up and explain that since overly exuberant students living in my ten story building often toliet paper the trees in the vicinity after a big win, the housing administration thought it wise a long, long time ago to instruct housekeepers to steal virtually all the toliet paper in the building before big games. for the whole ncaa tournament my freshman year, we had to buy our own. the presence of toilet paper in our bathroom this weekend (both sides of the dispenser filled AND a spare) was a sad commentary on the state of our basketball team.

the other day i got a referral from google for chapel hill blog and being the curious sort, i clicked it myself. i found a byzantine catholic blogger in my building! go check him out at mattrubush.blogspot.com.

i have had this leftover mac and cheese in my fridge for days and i am unable to eat it, not because i am sick, but because Daniel referred to its consumption as "slumming it nutritionally." Some day my arteries will thank him.

spinning: john mayer's _room for squares_
sipping: green tea with honey

2002-03-03T15:33:00.000-05:00

[said together] Almighty God, We thank You for feeding us with the body and blood of Your son Jesus Christ. Through Him we offer to You our souls and bodies to be a living sacrifice. Send us out in the power of Your Spirit to live and work to Your praise and glory. Amen.
[leader] Let us go forth to love and serve the Lord.
[people] Thanks be to God!

2002-03-02T17:21:00.000-05:00

i spent this lazy Saturday afternoon putting together my February 2002 compilation. it's particularly random and full of Jump, Little Children mostly because i did not want to pick one of their styles above another.

01 + new found glory + the glory of love
02 + the normals + radio
03 + jump little children + just a second (live)
04 + dashboard confessional + living in your letters
05 + john mayer + st. patrick's day
06 + mike garrigan + she alone
07 + guster + happy frappy
08 + jump little children + dancing virginias
09 + derek webb + dance
10 + bruce cockburn + anything anytime anywhere
11 + wilco + i'm always in love (live)
12 + john mayer + love soon
13 + pierce pettis + trying to stand in a fallen world
14 + jump little children + cathedrals (live)
15 + pedro the lion + bad things to such good people
16 + beatles + and your bird can sing
17 + u2 + desire
18 + big star + back of a car
bonus + almost famous bus singalong of "tiny dancer"

spinning: feb 2002
reading: nothing, i'm sick and my eyes itch

2002-03-02T03:43:00.000-05:00

i saw Jump, Little Children for the first time tonight at the Lincoln Theatre in Raleigh. It's a great venue and i've seen a number of good shows there, but they charge $2 more if you aren't 21. nofe-air! Anyway, Jump... they were amazing. The band is defined by it's instrumentation so i'll break it down for you:
Evan - drum kit
Jay - lead vocals and guitars (acoustic and electric)
Jonathan - upright bass, bgvs
Matt - some lead vocals, accordian, guitar, harmonica and tin whistle
Ward - cello, guitar, bgvs and tenacious d covers
They have quite a range of sonic depth. Their songs sound different from one another. The band is so good they have a spin-off band with three of the members playing different instruments. They have cool major/minor vibes going on. i can't explain, probably because i am tired and ill, but i recommend you get a cd or pirate some songs. They're worth checking out. I am excited that they are playing my home venue, Cat's Cradle, in six weeks. That'll give me a chance to buy their latest album or two and appreciate them more. Plus, then the crowd won't all be from N.C. State and everyone will stop doing that obnoxious Wolfpack hand sign.

The unassumed troubadour sings to himself softly
But not a word escapes his lips they don't even try
His words would rather stay with him as long as possible
But his melody is for me and you
I prefer to be alone when you're not around
Sometimes when I speak I can't stand the sound
Of my voice, this great big destructive machine
That takes too much time to say what it means
--"The Singer" J,LC

spinning: the sound of silence. my roommate is asleep. but before i was listening to Mike Garrigan in honour of seeing him last night.
reading: Calvin's Institutes

2002-02-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

[on chivalry] i wasn't actually expecting a response to my whining about Blogspot, but out of nowhere Wayne Toshikazu Olson has offered to give me a little space for my blog. i am going to need some help figuring stuff out, but i can use Moveable Type or Blogger and get email at wayneolson.com and everything. Wayne's my hero. Thank you!

[a pet peeve] one of my undergraduate pet peeves is professors who inform the class that they have graded something important (test/paper/project) at the beginning of a class session, explain their disappointment in the grades overall, and then proceed to lecture and give the assignment back at the end of the session. my Evangelicalism professor did that today concerning our take home exams. i am usually not particularly grade focused, but that's something that drives me to worry. luckily, my Shakespeare professor did it right: lecture, end five minutes early, talk and pass out papers. No one even suspects they are coming.

[i am so unreasonable] i received my phone bill today and was slightly angry at UNC Telecom. i am such a moron. i know my own rates. what was i thinking, they arbitrarily charge me for calls i don't make?

[on the weather] It was one of the coldest days of the year and so i was all bundled up in a fleece, warm hat (the kind the southerners call toboggans), gloves and a big scarf. No one recognized me! Not even close friends. Now i know, if i want to do something scandalous, wear winter outerwear.

spinning: mike garrigan songs in preparation for seeing him tonight
reading: Novum Testamentum Graece (Nestle-Aland's 27th)

2002-02-27T18:32:00.000-05:00

i know i shouldn't complain about free stuff, but blogspot has been so spacey lately. Part of me wishes i were cool like Wendy and a nice domain-owning person might give me my own space. However, not all boys can be as chivalrous as Brandon. i actually remember him swearing that fizzybluesoda hosting had nothing to do with his feelings for Wendy. ha!

i got home a bit ago from a hard InterVarsity c-team meeting. i did a terrible job of showing grace and patience in the midst of my frustration. what song pops in my head and won't go away? Don Henley's "Heart of the Matter." "The more I know, the less I understand / All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again / I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter / But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter / But I think it's about forgiveness / Forgiveness / Even if, even if you don't love me anymore." Hmmm... the Holy Spirit convicts in mysterious ways...

Because it was so cold today, our soccer instructor had our PE class work out inside. i have always hated going to the SRC, probably because the majority of my friends go for aerobics classes, which i don't enjoy, and whenever i use cardio machines like treadmills or stationary bikes or climbers i always think "i'd much rather be doing this for real outside." However, today i discovered the rowing machine. How fun! i rowed 4.5 kilometres in 30 minutes. i also spent 15 minutes biking (*yawn*). i may actually make regular trips to the gym to row when it is too cold/wet to run!

2002-02-26T03:36:00.000-05:00

i finally finished my American Evangelicalism take home exam. Short essays on the components of American Pentecostalism and the role of the Dispensationalism in the 20th century. you can read them here. N.B. the time of this post in case of any glaring errors.

2002-02-25T21:06:00.000-05:00

It's Monday, so i babysat. Those kids are hilarious. The four-year-old boy kept saying, "You're not nice!" And so i asked him why. "Because i said so!" "Are any of your babysitters nice?" "...Some" "And not me, because..." "Because you are irregular! if you babysat us twice a week, i'd like you more!" it was hard not to laugh at that. We were playing outside (soccer, bike riding) and he asked me to trace him in chalk and draw him playing soccer. i did a good job, especially with sidewalk chalk and he proclaimed "i think you are nice, but just today!" He, his younger sister and i played some games and then they asked to put on a movie. It was a cartoon about the early church. Quality entertainment. I also read several books to them, something to note since i am giving such a full account of my three hours there.

I had to get to their house to watch them, and with a non-operational vehicle, that was not the easiest task. i left soccer, ran the width of campus, caught a bus, rode for five minutes and ran another mile to get to my ex-boyfriend's apartment to borrow his car. My ex is the coolest ex ever. He lent me his car and a few weeks ago he and some of his roommates made me an amazing dinner of jumbalaya with a side of tomato basil couscous and smoothies for dessert. We even took a class together the semester after we broke up, shared texts and passed notes. Honestly, who could ask for a better friend who you happened to have been dating once upon a time? (N.B. our break-up was for the greater good of both parties, being that we are absolutely terrible for each other, which really helps foster a solid friendship post-break-up.)

i am about to head to Davis Library to get some work done which means i will be
reading: Merchant of Venice and various things for Evangelicalism
spinning: pedro the lion _it's hard to find a friend_

2002-02-25T02:54:00.000-05:00

hey all you doubters... it's still rough, but it DOES exist.

w y c l i f ' s . b l o g

spinning: random brit pop mp3s because i am a loser college student and pirate music.
reading: take a wild guess... Calvin!

2002-02-24T10:39:00.000-05:00

Arise, my soul, arise; shake off thy guilty fears; the bleeding sacrifice in my behalf appears:
Before the throne my surety stands, Before the throne my surety stands,
My name is written on His hands.

He ever lives above, for me to intercede; His all redeeming love, His precious blood, to plead:
His blood atoned for all our race, His blood atoned for all our race,
And sprinkles now the throne of grace.

Five bleeding wounds He bears; received on Calvary; They pour effectual prayers; they strongly plead for me:
"Forgive him, O forgive," they cry, "Forgive him, O forgive,?" they cry,
"Nor let that ransomed sinner die!"

My God is reconciled; His pardoning voice I hear; He owns me for His child; I can no longer fear:
With confidence I now draw nigh, With confidence I now draw nigh,
And "Father, Abba, Father," cry.
--words by Charles Wesley

2002-02-23T18:34:00.000-05:00

i spent this afternoon at the mall. i loathe the mall, but a few things made the trip redeeming. i did find two nice shirts and a pair of cords for total of $20 at Banana Republic, my only purchases of the day. and i was with one of my favourite people on earth. lots of things earned her that distinction, but comments like this one today only help to seal the deal. "i grew up with the PCA version of dead heads. if you could follow the Westminister Confession around, i'm sure they would have."

spinning: glen phillips _abulum_
reading: the Institutes

2002-02-23T11:30:00.000-05:00

"But as the greater part of mankind, enslaved by error, walk blindfold in this glorious theatre, he exclaims that it is a rare and singular wisdom to meditate carefully on these works of God, which many, who seem most sharp-sighted in other respects, behold without profit. It is indeed true, that the brightest manifestation of divine glory finds not one genuine spectator among a hundred. Still, neither his power nor his wisdom is shrouded in darkness. His power is strikingly displayed when the rage of the wicked, to all appearance irresistible, is crushed in a single moment; their arrogance subdued, their strongest bulwarks overthrown, their armour dashed to pieces, their strength broken, their schemes defeated without an effort, and audacity which set itself above the heavens is precipitated to the lowest depths of the earth. On the other hand, the poor are raised up out of the dust, and the needy lifted out of the dung hill (Ps. 113:7), the oppressed and afflicted are rescued in extremity, the despairing animated with hope, the unarmed defeat the armed, the few the many, the weak the strong. The excellence of the divine wisdom is manifested in distributing everything in due season, confounding the wisdom of the world, and taking the wise in their own craftiness (1 Cor. 3:19); in short, conducting all things in perfect accordance with reason." --John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, Book I, Chapter 5

i added some more blogs to my link list. if i missed you, please let me know. i also added some assorted things to my amazon wish list. my half-birthday is just around the corner, if you need an excuse to buy me something ;o)

spinning: david spencer's demo
reading: Calvin's ICR

2002-02-22T18:52:00.000-05:00

a portrait of the blogger as a frantic college student
i woke up this morning at 5:28, with every intention of writing the eight page Shakespeare paper i hadn't started yet. i wrote a few emails. i read a dozen blogs. i thought about some topics to write about in my paper. i took a shower. i wrote a thesis. i took a nap. i arose at 12:45. 12:45! i barely had a thesis and i needed eight pages plus title page plus works cited page printed and under my professor's door by five! so i read another dozen blogs and made some coffee and reread a few passages in the plays. then i began plugging away. my mom called and asked me a dozen questions that took an eternity to answer. my roommate returned from class and lunch at about 2:30 and proceeded to talk on the phone and to people that dropped by. 3:30 came and i had written just over four and a half pages. my roommate kindly asked, "can i turn on some music?" and switched off Revolver (the last thing i had in the communal cd player) and turned on lame top forty radio. At this point, i was getting frantic trying to write as fast as i was thinking and G105 was even more repulsive than ever before. so i relocated to the computer lab downstairs, finished almost eight full pages by 4:32 and printed two copies. i stuck my copies of A Midsummer Night's Dream and Henry IV, 1 in my mailbox and walked up to Greenlaw and dropped off the paper at 4:49. Despite the fact that the departmental secretary giggled at me, i was proud i had eleven minutes to spare. All of the sudden, it hit me. i had to go pick up my check by 5! i began the trek across campus to my office. on the way i was accosted by a very cute Girl Scout in uniform trying to sell me cookies. Having eaten only a brownie all day, i caved in and bought some Thin Mints (N.B. if they were still $2.50 i would have also sprung for Samoas) and hurried up to work. i got my check and proceeded to the bank to deposit it and withdraw my weekly stipend. i was filling out my deposit slip and realized, after five or six years, that i finally knew my account number! it was a true miracle. i moseyed on home to find that i had gotten a package, which always brightens my day. while waiting to get my package, i saw two friends who invited me to go out with them tonight. so i came home with some cash, girl scout cookies, a package and plans. can't beat it with a stick.

spinning: pierce pettis, pedro the lion and bruce cockburn
reading: nothing tonight!

2002-02-21T12:28:00.000-05:00

Most people that know me relatively well know that i have terrible vision--i'm quite nearsighted with a generous dash of astigmatism. i have trouble taking three steps without glasses or contact lenses. i appreciate those corrective lenses because they give me a chance to visually experience the world in drastically different ways from when i am without them. One thing less people know about me is that i have an underdeveloped sense of smell. Think Herbal Essences conditioner, strong cologne or perfume and cooking smells as the start of my smell threshold. i've occasionally lamented my dull smelling capability but i just realised, it's as much of a blessing as a curse. From what i hear, there are some terrible smells in the world.

Tonight i will be writing a very long paper on Shakespeare's second stages of the wood and tavern in A Midsummer Night's Dream and Henry IV, Part I. If you have any insight into this topic, don't hesitate to drop me a line. You could become my favourite person of the day. A limited amount of distraction is also encouraged :o)

spinning: _a few ditties_ by the Jack Jirak band
reading: Calvin and Augustine by Benjamin Warfield

2002-02-20T11:27:00.000-05:00

Okay, i've noticed in Credenda/Agenda that the Dougs call Old Testament people "Christians." They were before Christ! That makes no sense to me at all. What's the deal? i've been confused on this for quite some time and just haven't got around to reading about it, so i figured i'd poll y'all, my knowledgeable readers.

spinning: nothing. i am at work listening to the sound of traffic go by on Pittsboro St.
reading: back issues of Re:Generation Quarterly online. i clearly remember when i first found Re:Gen Q at the seminary library in Wake Forest in high school. My first thought: "this is way too cool for SEBTS."

2002-02-18T23:32:00.000-05:00

Other than being a laundry day, today was pivotal in many respects.

[TRANSPORTATION] i have decided to stop driving my car. i have to pray to get up hills, and my average speed on a 10 mile trip has declined to 20mph when the speed limit ranges from 35-45mph. that just screams trouble. i called my dear old dad who said he would come look at it some time, but for now, i am just going to let it sit in the parking lot. You're a good car, Thomas Knox. Get well soon.

[MUSIC] i decided during christmas break to stop forcing myself to play the guitar. it had ceased being fun and fast becoming a chore. i decided i wouldn't pick it up again until i really really wanted to play. Tonight i was reading in the Psalms and i just wanted to sing. and so i sang. and then i thought... "hey, i can play that song on the guitar!" so i opened the case and tuned the dang thing and played it for two hours. my fingers are in severe pain but my soul is really happy. :o)

[READING] i finished _Left Behind_. it was predictable in the sense that it laid out the rapture just like i expected and some people got saved and the Anti-Christ emerged. i was generally entertained by some of the storyline though. Someone, please tell me... do Buck and Chloe get together despite the decade plus that seperates them in age?

spinning: my pick between my fingertips
reading: the Holy Bible

2002-02-18T12:23:00.000-05:00

Today is laundry day. Many of you know the feeling. You reach into the drawer and find that you are lacking some necessity. For me, it's socks. i am wearing my last pair of clean socks. Socks are the indicator of laundry day in the winter. Since i don't wear socks in the summer, i am able to go a lot longer without doing laundry. Maybe i should just buy some more socks. This time around all my jeans need washing too so i might as well just go all out. It's sad, i was going to listen to Ian Wilmut talk about cloning tonight after i finished babysitting. But laundry just takes precendence.

2002-02-17T16:02:00.000-05:00

Jim Hart is my hero. Thank you.

2002-02-17T15:00:00.000-05:00

All I once held dear, built my life upon, all this world reveres and wars to own.
All I once thought gain I have counted loss, spent and worthless now compared to this.

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You, there is no greater thing.
You're my all, You're the best, You're my joy, my righteousness,
and I love You Lord.

Now my heart's desire is to know You more, to be found in You, and known as Yours.
To possess by faith what I could not earn, all surpassing gift of righteousness

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You, there is no greater thing,
You're my all, You're the best, You're my joy, my righteousness,
and I love You Lord.

Oh, to know the power of Your risen life and to know You in Your sufferings.
To become like You in Your death, my Lord, so with You to live and never die,

Knowing You, Jesus, knowing You, there is no greater thing,
You're my all, You're the best, You're my joy, my righteousness,
and I love You Lord.

spinning: the Beatles' Revolver, the Normals' a Place Where You Belong which releases 26 Feb and a mix cd.
reading: the BCP readings from the Holy Bible (ESV)

2002-02-15T14:35:00.000-05:00

i am going away for the weekend for a retreat, so i figured i'd leave you with an account of some of the things my mind has lingered upon in the last 24 hours.
+ how much i wish we had a Target in Chapel Hill or Southwest Durham
+ the irony of getting a sweetheart that said merely "i wonder" as i walked into large group last night
+ is it illegal to go 30 in a 45?
+ how sad i am going to be when my car dies, as it currently seems to have some chronic illness
+ even though it usually is just friends of mine, i should not turn and wave when someone gives me a low whistle when i am walking alone down the street.
+ how sad it is that no one noticed that the shirt i wore today looks so much like the one the guy on Blues Clues wears. Does no one babysit?
+ that i just hate my roommate's ska praise CD

spinning: shuffling Big Star's #1 Record/Radio City, U2's The Best of 1980-90, and Glen Phillips' Abulum
reading: nothing yet today

2002-02-14T01:33:00.000-05:00

At first, they sent another regiment out to battle with the excited legions assembled. Lights and wires and sounds... people standing so close to one another that everyone's sure another person couldn't squeeze into the room until one does. and then some more. A tall man, dressed simply, a black button down and jeans, trying hard to win approval before realizing that he owned the place, for just that day. His face contorted to show pain, frustration, anxiety and pleasure. Those assembled were mouthing words another sang, and barely knew it, they were so lost in the moment.

So, tonight was the big John Mayer show at Cat's Cradle. it was so good. That guy just kicks butt on the guitar. his strong jazz influence is even more apparent live than on his CDs. he played everything on his Sony release _Room for Squares_ except for "Great Indoors" plus "Love Soon" "Comfortable" and some other stuff. His guitar solos... whoa. He also tells amusing stories in concert. e.g. "The record company keeps telling me, 'john, you're album's going to go gold!' i say 'i've already got plenty of gold albums... they just say maxell on them.' yeah... i know you've got a burned copy. we've got some real ones here. and some t-shirts too. you ought to get one because you just can't burn a t-shirt."

"she thinks I can't see the smile that she's faking
and poses for pictures that aren't being taken
I loved you
grey sweatpants
no makeup
so perfect
our love was comfortable and so broken in
she's perfect, so flawless
I'm not impressed
I want you back"
that's from "comfortable," the first John Mayer song i ever heard. i had heard he didn't do it in concert anymore, but people make exceptions in Chapel Hill. it was a good crowd.

so, as John said, today is "the valentine's day." i didn't post the concert review to avoid that or anything. it's just going to be the highlight of the day for me. i mean, a girl can't expect to have a great v-day every year... i'm really okay with being dateless.

spinning: "comfortable" by John Mayer
reading: the Holy Bible

2002-02-13T11:20:00.000-05:00

Today is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent. These forty days were intended by Church fathers to be a time for people to contemplate Christ's sacrifice and were modeled after the forty day fast Christ took part in during his lifetime. Lent has always been a chance for me to set spiritual goals and spend time in reflection, so i happily welcome the season. One thing i am doing this year to participate is giving up Instant Messaging. So, i will miss you, IM friends, but i will be available via email so keep me up to date on all of the cool things going on in your lives!

spinning: "my stupid mouth" by John Mayer (in preparation for seeing him tonight!)
reading: _Henry IV, Part One_ by William Shakespeare

2002-02-12T01:09:00.000-05:00

i was listening to this song that i heard live last weekend and i laughed so hard i had to share. the "mohawks on the scaffold" is a reference to something Annie Dillard wrote.

Everybody's gotta have a building program, stacking that money up, brick on brick
oh, we've got to have praise team worship, fourteen services, take your pick
Everybody's gotta have special music, don't want dead air when the plate goes by
we've got to give a three point sermon, with a pun and a poem to break the ice
organ hit the D chord, it's time to sing the doxology
stand up, praise the good Lord, please define doxology
well, now we take communion, but first a word to prepare our heads
joe gets up and talks politics, says a prayer and we break the bread
take the cup and quench our thirst, dismiss the children for children's church
stand and greet your neighbor first, every aspect is well rehearsed

like mohawks on the scaffold heedless of the danger
don't look down on the city, brother, it's a long way to fall
like mohawks on the scaffold, strolling on the I-beams
hallelujah, praise the Lord, he's our buddy after all

brother don't get too upset, i've got my perfect attendance badge
sunday school and VBS, i even pledged allegiance to the christian flag
(talking-- which i have not yet found anywhere in the scripture. what is the christian flag? wow!)
four years of bible college, well, i tucked my shirt and i cut my hair
oh, sister don't get too upset, i learned a lot about Jesus there
i went to class and i wore a tie, learned about who's wrong and why
point the finger at the other guy, with the clearly flawed theologi

we are mohawks on the scaffold heedless of the danger
don't look down on the city, brother, it's a long way to fall
like mohawks on the scaffold, strolling on the I-beams
hallelujah, praise the lord, He's a puzzle that i've solved

well i hope you're picking up on my sarcasm, because i'm laying it on pretty thick
it's a useful tool of communication, even God Himself has employed that trick
so if you'll turn with me in your bibles, to the book of Job, chapter 38
it'll remind us who we're dealing with, i hope you don't mind my paraphrase:
"Job you are a little weeny man and I am the God of all creation and i can zap you out of existance if i felt like it."
it's like we're sleeping on an air bus, taking home a bear cub
hiking mount vesuvius, like we're cooking smores on the burning bush

like mohawks on the scaffold, heedless of the danger
don't look down on the city, brother, it's a long way to fall
like mohawks on the scaffold, strolling on the I-beams
hallelujah, praise the Lord, He's so patient with us all
"Mohawks On The Scaffold" by Andrew Peterson

spinning: "mohawks"
reading: that book. still.

2002-02-11T23:52:00.000-05:00

i have been very anecdotal lately on this blog, so i figure, what the heck. might as well tell everyone another story. after work, lunch and computer science, i was walking across campus and i (literally) bumped into my friend Susan. i was off in my own world, just thinking and grinning, and she grabbed me. "hey... Kristen!" "oh... hey Sus!" i see Susan a lot, so sometimes i ask her to hold me accountable to little things (and vice versa). She asked me how i was and i almost started laughing. "you look guilty, Kristen" "who me? no.... well, ok. yes. but it wasn't ALL my fault." and then i recounted something i had done that i had explicitly said the very night before that i would not do, ending with "i really am sorry about it." to which Susan responded, "i know, you're forgiven." but i hadn't sinned against Sus, really. so as we were walking away from each other i said, "do i need to say eight hail Marys or walk backwards across campus or anything as a penance?" And she said "Build an altar and sacrifice two doves by the end of the day. i'll let you know if the aroma is pleasing." i was ALREADY grinning so i must have had the mile high grin of a Chesire cat for at least the next few minutes. Immediately after that interaction, i came into the Pit and three friends of mine were all standing together, campaigning for Sr. Class Pres/VP (one is a candidate). And they had made a foursquare court in the middle of the Pit. So, i proceeded to make myself late to soccer by playing foursquare for a while with them. i couldn't retire until i made it to the King square. i am stubborn like that. but, it was just cool to get to play foursquare in the middle of campus.

spinning: "natchez trace" pierce pettis
reading: _left behind_ (for class)

2002-02-10T20:35:00.000-05:00

Glorious things of thee are spoken, Zion, city of our God!
He, Whose Word cannot be broken, formed thee for His own abode.
On the Rock of Ages founded, what can shake thy sure repose?
With salvation’s walls surrounded, Thou may’st smile at all thy foes.

See! the streams of living waters, springing from eternal love;
Well supply thy sons and daughters, and all fear of want remove:
Who can faint while such a river ever flows their thirst t’assuage?
Grace, which like the Lord, the Giver, never fails from age to age.

Round each habitation hovering, see the cloud and fire appear!
For a glory and a cov’ring showing that the Lord is near.
Thus deriving from our banner light by night and shade by day;
Safe they feed upon the manna which He gives them when they pray.

"Glorious Things of Thee are Spoken" by John Newton (tune by Haydn). Sung this morning at The Church of the Apostles, the first Anglican church i've ever visited.

2002-02-09T18:34:00.000-05:00

hmmm... i was listening to a mix CD with Jamie's song "Running" on it and i suddenly knew just what she was talking about. dang it.

2002-02-08T18:36:00.000-05:00

What a good day. i woke up unexcited about giving a campus tour. i had decided to stay up late and deal with the fact that i would be tired and want to stay in my warm bed. It happened just that way. However, i did eventually motivate and shower, albeit late. i threw on some clothes and ran to the Office of Undergraduate Admissions to meet my group of families waiting to see Carolina. On the way, the brisk air gently stirred me into a state of complete consciousness, ready to walk backwards and talk about my university for an hour. My tour went fabulously. There were about a dozen people. The weather was perfect. when we walked out of the dining hall into the Pit there was beach music playing and people shagging. None of my group had ever seen campus so they were especially charmed. then, after i dropped off my group, i went back through the Pit and saw some friends who conned me into having lunch with them outside. :o) i got my paycheck, which is always a bonus. i went to get into my car and i realized i had left it in the wrong lot... and didn't have a ticket! It was a miracle! So, i got in the car, rolled down the windows, sang out loud and headed over to E.K. Poe Elementary in Durham to help one of my best friends with her 3rd grade class for a few hours. the school draws from a variety of neighbourhoods (majority low-income) and is almost evenly distributed between black, white and latino. it's really cool. i had fun helping them with math and chromatography, a research project they were working on. My friend and i walked down to Francesca's and got some dessert. mmmm. Now i am home, but off again for dinner and stuff with my dear friend/former roommate, Georgina. i love Fridays without classes!

2002-02-07T09:03:00.000-05:00

it really disturbs me that someone has apparently read all of these books.

2002-02-06T11:53:00.000-05:00

things that currently make me happy:
+ music by derek webb, pierce pettis, wilco (among others)
+ electronic mail
+ harris teeter having ben and jerry's on sale for $1.99/pint last week
+ my intervarsity staff worker (he asks hard questions and makes me think, plus his wife is having a baby in July!)
+ Grant Wacker's Heaven Below
+ mochas made with soy milk
+ my car
+ the german word politikverdrossenheit

2002-02-05T13:23:00.000-05:00

"i do not understand my own actions. For i do not do what i want but I do the very thing i hate." --the Apostle Paul. i feel a lot like Paul today. i know what's wisest for me to do, but i don't have the willpower to do it.

2002-02-05T01:00:00.000-05:00

i really appreciate my friends dawn and jamie. They are tremendously cool people who have similar interests to me and so i like spending time with them. But they go above and beyond in being hospitable to me. They let me do laundry at their apartment and feed me and let me sleep on their couch. They even provide comic relief for me. Like tonight, they were talking about this "bachelor party" they are invited to where everyone (men, women and couples) has to bring an eligible bachelor with them. They were arguing for and against the concept when
DAWN *sigh* nobody likes me.
JAMIE i like you.
DAWN well i can't marry you, you big dumbass. that'd start rumours!
i laugh. still.

2002-02-04T00:03:00.000-05:00

i met this cool guy in Charlotte last weekend and knowing of my admiration for Pierce Pettis he sent me a copy of _Chase the Buffalo_ (which is out-of-print). It's so good. i wish that i could have all of you over to sit on my couch and listen, but since that's not quite possible, i'll post some lyrics.

+ + + +

The presence of your absence follows me
On trains and at the movies sitting next to empty seats
I wouldn't mind you going, if the emptiness would leave
But the presence of your absence follows me (you're not there)

The silence of your voice deafens me
The sound of no one answering every time I speak
The overwhelming quiet, so loud I cannot think
The silence of your voice deafens me (you're not there)

Heaven and earth could not make you stay
I'm damned by your memory that will not go away
The softness of your touch, the toss of your hair
Sometimes I even reach for you (But you're not there)

The thought of your love tortures me
Left to my own devices sleeping with the enemy
The unexpected flashbacks that I don't want to see
The thought of your love tortures me (you're not there)

Heaven and earth could not make you stay
I'm damned by your memory that will not go away
The softness of your touch, the toss of your hair
Sometimes I even reach for you (But you're not there)

(you're not there) The presence of your absence follows me
(you're not there) The silence of your voice deafens me
(you're not there) The thought of your love tortures me
You're not there / --"you're not there" pierce pettis

+ + + +

make a lot of money, make a lot of friends
when you lose that money, a lot of those friendships end
when you lose that job, lose that house, lose that car, lose that spouse
i will be here

spend a lot of time, til there's no time left
you become such a stranger, you don't even know yourself
you can never write, never call, you can surround yourself with walls
but i will be here

i am the friend you can not lose, i am the one you did not choose
i am the friend who loves you still, i am the friend who always will
be here, i will be here, yes, i will

it'd take a lot of work to drive me away
i can take a lot of hurt and i'm willing to share your pain
you don't impose, you don't intrude, i'll never turn my back on you
no, no, i will be here

eye for an eye, man that's such a bitter rule
it was only made to be obeyed by fools
there is no debt, there is no score, forget it, that's what friends are for
yeah, yeah, i will be here

i am the friend you can not lose, i am the one you did not choose
i am the friend who loves you still, i am the friend who always will
be here, i will be here, i will be here
i will be here, i will be here / --"i will be here" pierce pettis

2002-02-03T16:42:00.000-05:00

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, vast, unmeasured, boundless, free!
Rolling as a mighty ocean in its fullness over me!
Underneath me, all around me, is the current of Thy love
Leading onward, leading homeward to Thy glorious rest above!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, spread His praise from shore to shore!
How He loveth, ever loveth, changeth never, nevermore!
How He watches o’er His loved ones, died to call them all His own;
How for them He intercedeth, watcheth o’er them from the throne!

O the deep, deep love of Jesus, love of every love the best!
’Tis an ocean full of blessing, ’tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, ’tis a heaven of heavens to me;
And it lifts me up to glory, for it lifts me up to Thee!
O THE DEEP, DEEP LOVE OF JESUS by Samuel Francis, 1875

2002-02-02T11:45:00.000-05:00

If you have been just driving yourself crazy trying to come up with that perfect valentine's day gift for me, just check my amazon.com wishlist. or you can buy me a domain. how fun could that be!

Sometimes, having a webloggin' younger sister is pretty funny. check out her friday five for tales of how i scarred and mended her during her childhood. For the record, i made the splint out of magazines and newspapers, binded it together with ribbons and used a towel as a sling. The doctor said it was both creative and functional. i was very proud. and the stitches thing... i didn't PUSH her, i more shifted myself so that she would not continue to bounce on me. Except, it sent her flying into the bolt. i was seven. i'm sorry, Janelle.

the reverse friday five is fun. keep on weighin' in!

i am going to Wake Forest University tonight to see Derek Webb, Andrew Peterson and Eric Peters. Not only will there be great music but lots of cool kids will be there (like Christiana, Dawn, Drew, Geneva, Jamie, Megan, Melissa, Patty, Richard, Sarah and Shalye) so i am pretty excited. Plus the UNC crew that's carpooling over is stopping at Stamey's for some yummy barbeque.

2002-02-01T00:32:00.000-05:00

because YOU are so much cooler than i am...

[ T H E . R E V E R S E . F R I D A Y. F I V E ]

the concept is that i will ask some basic questions and you, most kind reader, will answer them in the comments section. then we can all learn about each other! this week's topic: travel.

.1. how old are you?
.2. where do you currently reside?
.3. what's the coolest place (in YOUR opinion) you've ever visited?
.4. what place do you most want to visit?
.5. where will you travel this weekend?

2002-01-31T21:34:00.000-05:00

i need some ideas for a summer job. Last summer i worked at first pres Montrose as a high school intern and the summer before that i wrote for christianity.com in Virginia Beach. My only criteria is that i make some money and am not doing anything mundane all day long. Traveling is a plus. Any suggestions?

2002-01-30T22:11:00.000-05:00

Often times i believe that i have lost my innocence somewhere along the way. Tonight i experienced the softness left in my soul. i was driving up to my evening class (it's a 25 minute walk and i thought it might be wise not to walk alone in the dark there and back) and i saw an ambulance pass by, sirens roaring and lights flashing. Immediately i wondered what the situation was and prayed for their family to be comforted and to know God's presence in spite of whatever was going on. It's been quite some time since i've done that. After i parked i had a short walk to my classroom building and i noticed how perfect the temperature was and how soft the moonlight lay on the beautiful buildings on our campus. i looked forward to see a stranger doing much the same thing. We both smiled broadly and naturally at one another as we passed, no words necessary to cement the moment we shared. Maybe i am not the cynic i think myself to be...

2002-01-29T18:47:00.000-05:00

i was chatting it up with my youngest sister today on im, learning about her day. she mentioned yearbook class and i asked "did you win any superlatives?" knowing that they voted on middle school superlatives a few weeks ago. "Yeah, i won some." "Which ones?" "best looking, best personality, best smile, most intelligent, most likely to succeed and most school spirit." So yeah, my sister is popular. i was never popular in middle school or in high school for that matter. i didn't really have any desire to be, either. All of my younger siblings are way cooler than i ever was. i don't want to go back and be popular. i am not jealous. but i am remorseful. their status makes makes me aware that i would have quickly judged them and categorized them as trite, snobby and airheaded if they were my peers. They aren't any of those things. They're quite fabulous human beings i am proud to be related to (most of the time ;o). Truely hindsight is corrected vision. ED. i forgot best smile originally. (2 Feb 2002)

2002-01-29T00:08:00.000-05:00

Those in the parking sector of the department of public safety at UNC are anathema!

2002-01-28T01:39:00.000-05:00

i have decided that towards the end of each month i wil burn a cd of what i have been listening to that month. A musical diary, if you will. Without further ado, January 2002:

JOHN MAYER . why georgia (live)
dashboard confessional . SCREAMING INFIDELITIES
PEDRO THE LION . of minor prophets and their prostitute wives
collapsis . WHO DO YOU LOVE
MARK WILLIAMS . what luther said
mary chapin carpenter . SOMEONE ELSE'S PRAYER
GLEN PHILLIPS . men just leave
the normals . BEST I CAN
RICH MULLINS . creed
pierce pettis . ABSALOM, ABSALOM
PEDRO THE LION . secret of the easy yoke
avett bros . KIND OF IN LOVE
NICKEL CREEK . the narrow way
tim o'brien . HOLD TO A DREAM
GILLIAN WELCH & ALISON KRAUSS . i'll fly away
avett bros . LET MYSELF LIVE
GLEN PHILLIPS . darkest hour
mark williams . EVENTIDE
RICH MULLINS . elijah
pierce pettis . I'VE GOT A HOPE

2002-01-27T21:09:00.000-05:00

Lord Jesus Christ,
Let me see your light, even if I see it from afar or from the depths.
Teach me to seek you, and reveal yourself to this seeker.
For I cannot seek you unless you teach me how,
nor can I find you unless you show yourself to me.
Let me seek you in desiring you, and desire you in seeking you.
Let me find you in loving you and love you in finding you.
I acknowledge, Lord, and I give thanks that you have created in me this your image,
so that I can remember you, think about you and love you.
But it is so worn away by sins, so smudged over by the smoke of sins,
that it cannot do what it was created to do unless you renew and reform it.
I do not even try, Lord, to rise up to your heights,
because my intellect does not measure up to that task;
but I do want to understand in some small measure your truth,
which my heart believes in and loves.
Nor do I seek to understand so that I can believe, but rather I believe so that I can understand.
For I believe this too, that unless I believe I shall not understand
ST ANSELM
[used as a prayer of response today in church]

2002-01-24T23:23:00.000-05:00

for my class on the political writings of St. Augustine, i read his Confessions this week. i highly recommend them.

2002-01-23T13:19:00.000-05:00

You're outspoken and "out there"- you live life intensely, and dwell on your spiritual side a great deal. You're a natural leader, and you're capable of great things.

many thanks to Kat's fiancee Josh for the link. Click on Bono to take the "Which member of U2 are you?" test for yourself.

2002-01-22T12:38:00.000-05:00

i am sitting here at work contemplating my next move in a game of academic chess. i am talking an upper-level religion class on Evangelicalism in America that i was tremendously excited about. Most 100+ reli classes at UNC are challenging and engaging. However, due to voracious reading and a professor who assigned "Left Behind" and who'll let in any student who wants to take the course, i feel as if i won't learn very much in the class. i will certainly make an A or A-, relatively rare commodities in the Religious Studies department. But i don't take classes for easy grades (e.g. three years of Greek).

OPTION ONE: Stay in the class. Impress professor with knowledge. Raise the bar and intimidate students who are only taking the class because it is half Campus Crusaders. Succeed grade wise and get a good graduate school recommendation. Occasionally nap during class.

OPTION TWO: Ask the professor if i can study the subject independently. Read good books. Occasionally stop by class if the syllabus indicates an interesting topic. Write a very very long paper outlining some controversy in the history of Evangelicalism in addition to the very very long paper required for my Political Writings of St. Augustine class. Risk grade and recommendation.

anyone?

2002-01-21T22:15:00.000-05:00

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
—Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Today Americans celebrate the birthday of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., a man who gave his life in pursuit of justice, equality and freedom. Some people got off work. Students missed school. Many stores had sales. I wonder how many people stopped to think about him.

2002-01-20T22:22:00.000-05:00

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him all creatures here below!
Praise Him above ye heav'nly host!
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost! Amen.

2002-01-18T14:54:00.000-05:00

the normals' new website is supposed to launch today. i am really excited about their new cd. i anticipate it to be one of my favourite albums of 2002.

i went to the new christian bookstore in town today, Engraved Truth. Basically, it is an embodiment of everything wrong with christian bookstores, and it isn't even part of a chain or the parable group so it has no excuse. i may just open my own Christian bookstore. what should i be sure to carry?

2002-01-17T11:45:00.000-05:00

Evangelism to Germans, American Style (from the NY Times)

irony of ironies... a wire services report on Armani and excess

2002-01-15T23:24:00.000-05:00

Jesus did not walk up to people in his day and say “Greetings! I am Jesus. Get to know me and you’ll get to know God. Eternal life, guaranteed!” Jesus offered people their deepest desires. For the blind, sight. For the lame, dancing. For the dead, life. For the outcast, community. In his Sermon on the Mount, a familiar passage to most, Jesus makes some colossal promises, “Those mourning are blessed, they will be comforted…” and then he goes on to say, "Ask, and it will be given to you, seek, and you will find, knock, and it will be opened to you. For all asking receive, and the one seeking finds, and to the one knocking it will be opened. And who of y’all is a man who, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? And so if you being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in the heavens give good things to those who ask him!” Jesus speaks to our sense of desire because it is a universal trait of humanity. We were created to long. The perversion of this is selfish greed, and sometimes in avoiding greed Christians try to avoid desire altogether. That's not necessary. I want a new car. I long for eternity. I want books. I long for companionship. I want to sleep more at night. I long for peace. The difference is clear.

I was created a woman. God created the first woman from the first man and then the narrator says “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (KJV).” Men and women were created for one another. Hence, it is perfectly natural for me to desire what I was created for: a husband. I am twenty years old. I hope someday to be married. I don’t use that word lightly. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope encourages desire when conventional wisdom says ‘stifle it.’ Not everyone gets married. Not every Christian who wants to get married does. And yet, I allow myself to say that “I long to be married” because I know I was created to be. Being a woman does not entitle me to be married. I’m a Calvinist. I know that being a human and longing for eternity doesn’t entitle anyone to salvation. I know that if I am intended for a life of singleness, God will mold and shape my heart for that. It’s not my job to numb myself from my desire as a safety net just in case marriage doesn’t happen for me. And so I hope.

2002-01-15T12:38:00.000-05:00

i love the advertising campaign for Elmo's Diner which i occasionally frequent when i am up for a walk/drive to Carrboro. [geographical note: Carrboro literally bumps into Chapel Hill, just about a mile and a half west of campus]. todays gem: "Paradise for those hungry as a horse and cheap as a skate."

2002-01-13T17:15:00.000-05:00

"Trusting in God, depending on God, relying on God, has to begin all over again each and every day." --C.S. Lewis, as quoted by Allan Poole in his sermon this morning.

i have been decieving myself for quite some time. i believed worry to be the opposite of peace. However, worry is the opposite of trust. If only i trusted in the inherent goodness of God! i would then have the boldness and faith to step forward and do the things i was called to without second guessing them or worrying about their outcomes.

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? [26] Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? [27] And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? [28] And why are you anxious about clothing? Con sider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, [29] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. [30] But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? [31] Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' [32] For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. [33] But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. [34] "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. --Matthew 6:25-34 (English Standard Version)

2002-01-12T23:50:00.000-05:00

Having hung out with FOUR former chapel hill residents who were back visiting in the past four days (one per day) i have decided that i wish my friends couldn't move away.

2002-01-11T14:02:00.000-05:00

tHe fRiday fiVe

1. What was your first job? i refereed soccer games for CASL.

2. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 14.

3. What was your first car? What happened to it? My first car was a 1997 Nissan 200SX i called "Bullet." the lease ran out 31 May 1999.

4. What was your first concert? the first "child" stub i can find in my parents things indicate it was the Grateful Dead in PA. i was two.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? grabbing coffee with a friend in a few hours. going to the movies with another friend tonight. hanging out with another friend tomorrow. Church on sunday as well as planning leadership team, getting dinner with my partner and staff worker and then having lead team.

2002-01-10T22:21:00.000-05:00

I am driving up 85 in the kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
Just stuck inside the gloom. 4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive and leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right? Am I living it right?
Am I living it right? Why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with wood in places
to make it feel like home. But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis or just the stirring in my soul

Either way I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right? Am I living it right?
Am I living it right? Why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on but it's hiding
the quiet superstitions in my head.
Don't believe me when I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but that's the danger
in going my own way. I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason" is no reason not to ask myself

If I am living it right. Am I living it right?
Am I living it right? Why Georgia, why?
--john mayer

2002-01-09T23:26:00.000-05:00

the new semester has commenced so i figured i'd tell you a bit about my classes.

ENGL 058 002 // Shakespeare // Dr. Ritchie Kendall // 09:30-10:45 TuTh
A study of representative histories, comedies, tragedies, and romances. Our aim will be to develop strategies for close readings that pay attention to generic expectation, language, and the physical properties of the stage; at the same time, we will seek to read Shakespeare culturally, to recognize the ways these texts participate in their historical moment and in the debates over social ordering, gender, political authority, economic change, religious controversy, and encounters with foreign cultures and practices. We will praise Shakespeare without etherealizing him and explore his limitations without demeaning his achievement. Teaching methods: We will mix dialogue with soliloquy, meaning you will be encouraged to be garrulous and I will be discouraged from being too much so. Requirements: Frequent quizzes to keep you honest, a reading notebook to keep you thinking, two short papers to keep you writing, and a final examination to keep you guessing. that's the course description Dr. Kendall submitted to the English department. He got hired in 1980 after completing graduate work at Harvard and has taught Shakespeare every semester (and during summer school) for 21 years so i figure he's qualified to teach me about the bard himself. He also happens to be the faculty mentor first assigned to me by my scholarship program. i always thought him to be generally cool and very fair. And i discovered a friend is also enrolled in the class and even though he is a second semester senior, it'll still hopefully increase my productivity.

RELI 140 001 // Evangelicism in America // Dr. Yaakov Ariel // 14:00-15:15 TuTh
THis course will examine evangelicalism and its role in contemporary American society and culture. It will explore the various evangelical subdivisions and groups and the relationship between evangelicalism and movements and groups that are close to it but not necessarily identical with it, such as fundamenalism, Pentacostalism and premillenialism. The course will conclude by investigation the evangelical reaction to contemporary cultural movements such as the women's movement and political issues such as America's international policy. Texts: various articles, Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory, Left Behind, The Late Great Planet Earth and Heaven Below Being a Jew, Dr. Ariel is very sympathetic to Christianity, especially evangelicals, and never belittles people. i have always enjoyed his classes and excelled in them so i expect this to be one of my very favourite courses at UNC. i get the opportunity to make fun of Left Behind and being an upper level religious studies course, i know practically everyone! Fun times for sure.

COMP 096 002 // Computers and Society // Jeannie Walsh // MW 12:30-13:45
Comp 96 is a philosophical perspective course. Through readings, lecture, and discussion, we will identify and explore the cultural, social, philosophical, and economic effects of information technology on individuals and on society. maybe i'll get to do my oral presentation on blogging! this is my last requirement to fulfill at UNC and i figured it sounded much more interesting than most of the courses that were offered as upper-level philosophical perspectives. the instructor is nice and half our class carried over from another class she taught in the fall, which is a good sign.

PHYA 024 002 // Beginning Soccer // some grad student // MW 14:10-15:10
this is pretty self explanatory. it's a one credit PE. it'll be fun. i played soccer in high school, so i hope i can pass without too much trouble.

RELI 169 001 // The Writings of Augustine // Dr. Peter Kaufman // W 19:00-22:00
he gave us this week off so i haven't actually been yet. However, Peter's my current faculty mentor so i expect this class to be very very good. Or else i wouldn't have taken it on Wednesday nights.

2002-01-08T18:45:00.000-05:00

your average trip to the grocery store
lettuce . $1.99
vanilla silk soy milk . $2.98
colby jack cheese . $1.89
muenster cheese . $2.07
merita bread . $1.99
blue ribbon rice . $.45
top ramen teriyaki . $.17
top ramen chicken . $.16
large white eggs . $.99
2 roma tomatos . $.45
campbell's chicken noodle soup . $.65
campbell's tomato soup . $.64
Ken's Honey Mustard salad dressing . $1.39
a cucumber . $.45
Peter Pan smooth peanut butter . $1.69
.34 .lb roast beef . $1.98
Butterball Honey Smoked Turkey . $1.69
TOTAL . $22.08
mvp savings $1.38

2002-01-08T12:59:00.000-05:00

i highly recommend Relevant Magazine.

2002-01-07T10:09:00.000-05:00

the roadtrip was amusing despite hours worth of downpour and depressing northern grey skies. the new car acquired is very nice (i wish it were mine) but my lower back hurts from driving 16 hours in less than a 30 hour period. i don't recommend it.

2002-01-04T21:45:00.000-05:00

. the . friday . five .

1. You've just won a complete collection of movies starring one actor - what actor would you pick? Luke Wilson. (maybe i'm just excited about the Royal Tenenbaums.

2. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
the Lord of the Rings Part One: The Fellowship of the Ring

3. What was the last video or DVD that you bought?
wow. i don't buy dvds or videos myself. i ask for them for gifts.

4. What movie could you watch over and over again and not get sick of?
this summer we watched Meet The Parents over and over again and i tired of that one. Probably The Princess Bride

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
well, i was just recruited to take a roadtrip to Pennsylvania to pick up a new car my friend just bought. so i'm leaving early tomorrow to do that. after we return, i'm moving back into my dorm and unpacking.

2002-01-03T19:19:00.000-05:00

To all the weary and down-trodden, to the tired and weak, to all of you who are singing the three-fold amen as friday inches closer... i recommend a nice, long bubble bath.

** i've decided that my old link policy was rubbish and i'm linking all that i read frequently. nominate yourself or others, but check the new additions first! **

2002-01-03T01:45:00.000-05:00

let it snow! let it snow! let it snow!
(geez... seven years in the south has made me a dork!)

ED. it did.

2002-01-02T14:57:00.000-05:00

i'm on this vicious sleep cycle. i go to be late and sleep a long time and wake up after noon. thus making me not tired until about 4 am. i need some nyquil!

2002-01-01T14:50:00.000-05:00

Last night the clock struck midnight, as it does each evening. But it was different than the night before: balls, acorns, oranges and pickles plummeted down poles and people sang and cheered and toasted and kissed. This hoopla convinced even the youngest children that January first is special. And why is that, exactly? Because the passing of a year reminds each of us of our inherent mortality. The ringing in of the new year is a call to every man to love and to rejoice and to make each moment count because we are journeying ever closer to the last moment. Even if i sometimes find it trite, I'm glad we celebrate the new year because in it is the gospel.

2001-12-30T22:45:00.000-05:00

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
in light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
almighty, victorious, thy great Name we praise.

Unresting, unhasting, and silent as light,
nor wanting, nor wasting, thou rulest in might;
thy justice like mountains high soaring above
thy clouds, which are fountains of goodness and love.

To all life thou givest, to both great and small;
in all life thou livest, the true life of all;
we blossom and flourish, like leaves on the tree,
then wither and perish; but nought changeth thee.

Great Father of glory, pure Father of light,
thine angels adore thee, all veiling their sight;
all laud we would render: O help us to see
'tis only the splendor of light hideth thee.
penned by Walter Chalmers Smith, 1867

2001-12-29T23:15:00.000-05:00

i've been listening to more Rich Mullins lately. He's always in my small travel cd case, the one that accompanies my discman everywhere, but it seems like "Songs" has jetted up the rotation charts recently. And EVERY TIME i get in the car with my mom and she tunes into *grimace* k-love, they play some Rich. So it is fitting that one of his songs captures what i am wresting with lately. The song is called "Elijah" and it's about being ready to die. In the first verse Mullins proclaims "This life has shown me how we're mended and how we're torn / how it's okay to be lonely as long as you're free." I've seen mended. I've seen torn. i KNOW that i am free. But i don't feel free. And it's certain that i am not comfortable being lonely. And how is that fixed? How can i grasp the freedom that's already been given to me? i'm under the assumption that i can't do it myself but that leaves me feeling hollow. At least the song ends on less tramautic lyrics. "So on the road to salvation / I stick out my thumb and He gives me a ride / and His music is already falling on my ears // There's people been talking / they say they're worried about my soul / well, I'm here to tell you I'll keep rocking / 'til I'm sure it's my time to roll / And when I do // When I leave I want to go out like Elijah / with a whirlwind to fuel my chariot of fire / and when I look back on the stars / it'll be like a candlelight in Central Park / And it won't break my heart to say goodbye." It won't break my heart to say goodbye. This world has broken my heart enough already. i've just got to find His song...

2001-12-28T14:57:00.000-05:00

[The Friday Five]

.1. What was your biggest accomplishment this year? Taking risks because i thought they might work out. From going to Montrose to interning at Awakening to climbing big mountains despite near-death experiences to promoting concerts. So basically, being adventureous.

2. What was your biggest disappointment? trying hard in my classes and making the same grades as when i didn't.

3. Will you be making any New Year's resolutions? to live a life examined. to be a little more feminine. to let people get closer to me. to read more.

4. Where do you wish you were celebrating? Atlanta, with friends, after we score a Peach Bowl win.

5. What do you plan to do for New Year's Eve? haven't decided yet. probably nothing because i am at home.

2001-12-27T20:22:00.000-05:00

Tradition. It's odd how it entangles you. Every year my extended family in upstate New York has a Christmas eve gathering. We don't attend now that we live far away but it used to be a permanent fixture on the holiday planner. One year when i was three or four my Uncle Bob asked me what i wanted Santa to bring me. i related all my wishes with all the hope and expectation of a preschooler. It tickled him so he asked me to call him in the morning and tell him how i made out. Thus a tradition began. Each Christmas day i call him and tell him what i've received and catch up with him and his family. Now that i live far away, i value the chance to hear their voices and share my holiday with them. It just doesn't feel like Christmas until i've made the call, which leads me to believe i will be making it for many years to come.
meant to post this yesterday, but the blogger hacker did me in!

2001-12-25T23:36:00.000-05:00

EVERYWHERE, everywhere, Christmas tonight!
Christmas in lands of the fir-tree and pine,
Christmas in lands of the palm-tree and vine,
Christmas where snow peaks stand solemn and white,
Christmas where cornfields stand sunny and bright.
Christmas where children are hopeful and gay,
Christmas where old men are patient and gray,
Christmas where peace, like a dove in his flight,
Broods o're brave men in the thick of the fight;
Everywhere, everywhere, Christmas tonight!
For the Christ-child who comes is the Master of all;
No palace too great, no cottage too small.
PHILLIPS BROOKS

2001-12-25T22:29:00.000-05:00

Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger." And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: "Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill toward men!"
--from Luke 2

Jesus in the song you wrote
The words are sticking in my throat
Peace on Earth
Hear it every Christmas time
But hope and history won't rhyme
So what's it worth
This peace on Earth
--U2

Let peace begin with me,
Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take,
Let this be my solemn vow:
To take each moment and live each moment
in peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
and let it begin with me!
--traditional children's carol

2001-12-24T00:42:00.000-05:00

i'm back in North Carolina. Arizona was really neat. i loved the terrain (seen from the amazin' urban hiking in the Phoenix area) and it was a blessing to hang out with my most longstanding friend Sarah. i got to meet a lot of her friends and the guy she's going to marry (he's cool--don't worry!) and just spend time with her family. i saw these random boys i went thru my awkward early teen years with and spent hours reminiscing. i saw a lot of movies. i did not use an alarm clock. it was glorious. i love traveling. it's a shame i am so poor and can't do very much. any suggestions on how to get cool places free?

2001-12-21T16:42:00.000-05:00

It's harder to post when i am (a) without my precious t1 connection and (b) spending time with someone i love and never get to see. But Sarah is working and so i figured i'd share my thoughts about seeing the Lord of the Rings.

i loved the books and recall above even my baptism into the plot my longing for the wisdom of Gandalf, the beauty and sacrifice of Arwen, the bravery of Strider, the loyalty of Sam, the purpose of Frodo... fantasy is a weakness in the ways that it exposes my yearning for perfection. But Tolkein was better than some... each character also has his own flaws and demons that make mere girls like myself grateful. He was a brilliant writer, labouring prolifically to truly capture the great stories of his imagination. For his toil, the landscape and the races of Middle-earth were engraved into my head in just a certain manner and the film did not disappoint. i couldn't even imagine the horror of the orcs or the evil in the visions each time Frodo slipped the ring on. It was a true portrayal, though i always focus on the little graces that i love that don't make the cut. Like the blindfolding of the fellowship in the Golden Wood and Tom Bombadill and Bill the Pony and the gifts Galadriel gives them... i loved those when i read. Overall, as a movie adaptation **** (of four). i will certainly see both sequels opening day. However, i still prefer the book, which is the way it ought to be. oh and the Spiderman preview looked great!

2001-12-19T15:04:00.000-05:00

Random assorted thoughts at 12:50 Mountain Time...

+ when i got home on Monday, my cousin was visiting, on his way home for Christmas from his base in Lousiana. i was surprised that he now likes emo and we were able to converse about our mutual admiration of such great acts as Dashboard Confessional. it's growth from his metal lovin' days
+ 12 hours of flying and layovers makes for a LONG day
+ i am really glad to be with one of my oldest, dearest friends. it's a rare pleasure.
+ In-n-Out is absolutely fabulous! i had my first burger and fries from that fine establishment last night. Back before i leave for a milkshake...
+ commentation on this blog is virtually dead.

2001-12-17T15:28:00.000-05:00

FINIS. With exams that is. And a nice little trip to Arizona to reward myself... The only bummer is two long layovers at Washington-Dulles (tomorrow and Sunday). Any good suggestions for killin' time?

by the way, my sister started a blog

2001-12-16T12:43:00.000-05:00

Come, Thou long expected Jesus, born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us, let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel’s strength and consolation, hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear desire of every nation, joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver, born a child and yet a King,
Born to reign in us forever, now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit, rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all sufficient merit, raise us to Thy glorious throne.
by Charles Wesley

my last two exams are tomorrow. please pray as i try to study greek. *sigh*

2001-12-15T12:41:00.000-05:00

better late than never to start The Friday Five

.1. What did you want to be when you grew up? as a kid i wanted to be a network news correspondent

.2. Do you have any nicknames? kris10, special k, turtle, knox, wee miss kris, knoxious, kwissen, knoxy, K

.3. If you could change something about yourself what would it be? that i would not be ADD when studying

.4. Have you ever bought anything from an infomercial? nope

.5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? in sequencial order: going to Borders to study for Monday's exams, listening to A Prarie Home Companion, packing, church, hanging out with Meadow, studying.

2001-12-14T23:35:00.000-05:00

Today i learned a lesson about grace. i completely spaced something important that could've caused a nasty chain of events costing me my pride and some hard-earned cash. Except it didn't. God orchestrated it so that i would realize how much of an idiot i am sometimes without suffering the consequences, showing me an everyday grace so undeserved. And he used a dear friend in the process so that i could experience grace from a human as well. Each moment it seems i am learning how our Triune God makes beauty from my broken offerings. His goodness to me is hard to believe... in spite of myself i can sit in my room, listen to backporch music and just rest in Him.

"And in stubborn spite of my stubborn spite i am loved nonetheless, i am loved all the more and i believe, there is love enough for the taking." [Andrew Peterson]

2001-12-13T02:07:00.000-05:00

i have spent this past week walking in another man's shoes. Trudging around town in the rain, taking exams, studying at the Roastery... all in boots that aren't mine. They've been with me now through two springs and summers and autumns and winters. They have seen me up mountains and down canyons and through raging rivers. They have covered my toes on dates and out with friends. They have aided my trek over mud and snow and rain and the hard clay of Carolina. My old pair of Vasque boots once belonged to a woman who lives down the street from my family, Sarah. She got pregnant and her shoe size changed and she could no longer wear them. When central NC experienced a "blizzard" a few years back, she gave the gore-tex boots to my sister Janelle so that her feet could stay dry. Believing the only fashionable boots were Timberlands, my sister gave the Vasque boots to me and i have gotten good use out of them ever since, until this unseasonably warm fall. When the weather finally chilled Monday, it warranted pulling the boots out of the closet. Each time i do that i am reminded of the cliche i embody. Walking in another man's shoes is more to me than having great boots i didn't pay for. It reminds me to look at life from the perspective of others and try their ideas on for size, a great gift to me from my footwear.