We all have dreams and fantasy futures, things we long to happen to ourselves. However, what do you do when fantasy and reality don't match up? Trade in the fantasy for a mediocre reality or hold on and hold out--hoping and dreaming that one day all will come to fruition beyond your wildest imagination? My desire to stay grounded screams the former, but my yearning for adventure pleas for the latter. The two forces battle with neither emerging clearly victorious. And the war rages on.

Since blogger has been down for a little while, i have had a lot to post so bear with me... this summer i'm headed to montrose, colorado! i am really really excited. i'll be there from 9 june to 19 aug so feel free to make some time to come out and visit me :o) i've never been, but western colorado is supposed to be gorgeous... last night after iv i headed out with some friends to the closest Krispy Kreme. If you've never experienced the joys of seeing the "Hot Now" sign lit up in red and then getting a warm gooey doughnut, you are truly missing out on something great. i think it would be fun to be glazed in the glazing machine... i am finally admitting it to myself, my secret dream is to grow up and take off a while before graduate school and be a folk-rock star. except i can't sing or play the guitar :o) oh, well. we all can have fantastical dreams if we want.

stickers on my guitar case
[a potential blog series]

+ awakening records [both SF2K and tAC3]
+ urbana 2000
+ "save the planet from itself" [got from the navs at urbana]
+ andrew peterson carried along cd
+ wxyc [unc campus radio]
+ i voted [from 2000 elections]
+ dean markley strings [never used them, stole the sticker from dad]
+ jen knapp
+ deliriou5?

i am accepting contributions for any and all cool stickers. music related ones. funny christian themed ones. sports related... email and i'll give you my mailing address :o)

Today the Center for Bio-Ethical Reform came to UNC with its Genocide Awareness Project. This is basically 7 foot tall displays of aborted fetuses next to pictures from the Holocaust, the Cambodian Killing Fields, Rwandan Tutsis killed by Hutu machetes and lynchings of blacks in the South. Their point is to identify abortion as an equal act of genocide. While i think abortion is wrong, i disagree with the tactics CBR is employing. i know of no woman who has had an abortion and taken it lightly. It is a hard, personal decision, not a mob mandate. i think it is hard to not give off feelings of condemnation to those who have had abortion or even support them. Anyway, the way our campus operates is "if you want to get a reaction from me, i am not going to give you the time of day," hence, it has not caused as big a stir as hoped. What do you think?

Spirit of God, descend upon my heart;
Wean it from earth, through all its pulses move;
Stoop to my weakness, mighty as Thou art,
And make me love Thee as I ought to love.

Hast Thou not bid us love Thee, God and King?
All, all Thine own, soul, heart and strength and mind.
I see Thy cross--there teach my heart to cling:
O let me seek Thee and O let me find.

Teach me to feel that Thou art always nigh;
Teach me the struggles of the soul to bear,
To check the rising doubt, the rebel sigh;
Teach me the patience of unanswered prayer.

Teach me to love Thee as Thine angels love,
One holy passion filling all my frame;
The baptism of the heav'n descended Dove,
My heart an altar and Thy love the flame.
SPIRIT OF GOD DESCEND UPON MY HEART by George Croly, 1867

Lots is going on here! on Thursday i was offered a position this summer as an youth intern at First Presbyterian in Montrose, Colorado. i haven't accepted yet, but i really want to go. If you think about it, pray for me. i hear from camp willow run on Monday.

Last night i drove to Winston-Salem to see Andrew Peterson and Randall Goodgame along with Gabe and Jamie in concert at WFU. It was fabulous! They played new songs and old ones and it was just really great. Worth far more than $5. i also got to see Scott Sanders from aR who is touring with them. i miss seeing him every week here at home but that will be mended soon enough. And i got to go to Steak and Shake for the first time on the way home. it was a great evening.

Last night Dan and i went to see this phenomenal play, Fugard's "Master Harold"... and the boys. Set in an South African diner in 1950, it only has one set and 3 characters and still maintained my interest. The audience certainly learns about apartheid, but even moreso about class distinctions and racism, applicable in all societies. Mostly though, the play is about the how difficult it is to love people. Fathers, sons, mothers, father-figures, friends and girlfriends... as people we have such a hard time showing others how we feel sometimes. We confuse them and hurt them. If you ever get the chance, go see a performance of it. We are lucky to have Playmakers here in Chapel Hill.

Can i major in procrastination?

i was planning on changing my blog color when unc finished in the ncaas. came a little earlier than expected. i still love the tarheels.

THE LORD'S PRAYER
Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors;
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom, and the power,
And the glory forever. Amen.

i love saying this every week with my church and have missed it the past two Sundays as i was baptist with my folks.

"i do really wish to destroy it!" cried Frodo. "Or, well, to have it destroyed. i am not made for perilous quests. i wish i had never seen the Ring! Why did it come to me? Why was i chosen?"

"Such questions cannot be answered," said Gandalf. "You may be sure that it was not for any merit that others do not possess: not for power or wisdom at any rate. But you have been chosen, and you must therefore use such strength and heart and wits as you have."
[JRR Tolkein / THE LORD OF THE RINGS / Book I: Fellowship of the Ring]

if you want to see my roommate and i click here

i was really really certain last week that i wanted nothing more than to work at camp willow run this summer but all of the sudden i have this slightly irrational urge to pick up everything and move to Colorado for 10 weeks and intern at a church there, First Presbyterian in Montrose. Camp is safe. It is one of the most solid camps ever, only an hour and ten minutes from home, i know some of the other staff and the director is awesome. Colorado is risky. i know no one and little of what is in store. Yet my heart of adventure yearns to see the rockies and to go out on a limb for the boundless potential of the western experience. Luckily, i haven't gotten either gig yet, though i have a good shot at both. i am sorta hopin' God gives me only one, so the decision isn't mine :o) or i could get neither and work at the car dealership and live at home this summer...

Do you ever think an artist is really talented and then all of the sudden, out of the blue, just get crazy about the person? Today, that guy for me was RYAN LONG. He's on tAC 3 and i have both of his CDs but today i fell in love with his music. Go and buy, friends! You won't be disappointed. There is certainly a reason his new CD is temporarily out of stock at awakening...

Thinking about guitar, i have started a habit of writing song lyrics. i never write whole songs but today i got a few GREAT lines and am considering biting the bullet and writing a few verses to go with the chorus and chords for a verse. Except, the song is really harsh. Bad idea for first song?

THE ASSIGNMENT: give a brief statement of your theology; that is, what you believe about God, the Bible, Jesus Christ, sin, salvation, the Holy Spirit, the Church, heaven and hell.

I believe in the Triune God—Father, Son and Holy Spirit—eternal, of the same substance and equal in power, characterized by holiness, love, justice, mercy and righteousness, the source of all life and goodness. Despite the complete fellowship that always has and always will exist between the three persons, they elected to create the heavens and the earth and all that is in them, particularly mankind, in their own image. The first humans, Adam and Eve, willfully chose to disobey God, passing on an innate nature of sin and establishing a rift between God and men. This sin separation makes humans deserve death, but God did not desire to be apart from men forever. He established a covenant with Abraham and his descendants, the Israelites, creating a temporary solution for reaching Him through laws, sacrifices and priestly rituals.

Then, fulfilling Hebrew prophesy, God the Son came to earth as Jesus Christ, still fully God but also fully man. Jesus traveled around Judea, Samaria and Galilee, teaching the people and performing miraculous signs, but He was more than a preacher and a healer. Jesus lived a sinless, perfect life and in obedience to the Father died on a cross as the sacrifice for the sins of men, becoming the mediator between God and mankind by permanently bridging the gap of sin. Then, showing once and for all His power over sin and death, Jesus rose from the dead three days later, appeared to His disciples and ascended into heaven. Later, just as Jesus promised, the Holy Spirit descended upon the believers, empowering and convicting them and being not just God with them, but God within them.

These believers began to share their faith and those who follow many generations later travel around the world telling the story of Jesus to all who will listen, just as the disciples first did. They tell hearers that if they would repent of their sin and believe in Christ, they will be saved from the punishment of their sin, death. And God stirs the hearts of some, calling them to Himself and gives them this salvation which results in eternal life, in heaven with Him. Those who do not receive this salvation will spend eternity in hell separated from God, getting the just punishment for their sin. Salvation is not by any merit of men, but a free gift by God’s grace through the faith of a believer. While believers are on earth they are a part of the universal church, the bride of Christ, meant to spur one another on towards righteousness and serve one another and the world just as Christ did. I believe these things because of the Bible, written by men but inspired by God, without error and useful for establishing doctrine, teaching, correcting and training believers to be righteous. This Word of God is my guide, until the return of Christ Jesus.

Can guys and girls really just be friends?
Wait, i know what you are thinking... i haven't seen "When Harry Met Sally" lately. No, this just keeps coming up in the lives of practically everyone i know. i would say that it is possible, but some conditions make it more or less difficult.
have they been attracted to one another? has one expressed "feelings" for the other? is one or both persons dating someone else?
i guess the question is, if these relationships can be so hard, are they worth it?

i am awake. Note the time. i felt really terrible last night [sniffles, headache, muscle aches...] so i went to bed instead of writing a paper. Now i am going to write the paper. Woo-hoo!

Just when i am really experiencing God's peace... the straw that broke the camel's back. This is the week preceeding spring break, so it is laden with work... 2 papers and 3 tests. i was really okay with all of that, plus doing my normal amount of workin' hard, being a good friend, seeing to my responsibilities, etc. then, just as i was about to begin my paper on the Aeneid [due at 1 p.m.] my roommate called and said that my car wouldn't start at Wal-Mart. She got home and all, which was good, and my car is in a safe spot, she says. However, i need to use it Tuesday and i need to get home on Friday. So i have to go and see if it is easily fixable or if i need to sic my dad on it. Just the thought of treking out there (15 minutes) and back and the worry of "what if it is really broken and it costs a lot to fix?" is really getting me down. Please pray for renewed peace and focus.

What is your only comfort, in life and in death?
That I belong, body and soul, in life and in death, not to myself but to my faithful Savior, Jesus Christ, who at the cost of his own blood has fully paid for all my sins and has completely freed me from the dominion of the devil; that he protects me so well that without the will of my Father in heaven not a hair can fall from my head; indeed, that everything must fit his purpose for my salvation. Therefore, by his Holy Spirit, he also assures me of eternal life, and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.
question 1 of the Heidelberg Confession

Wow! My blog is international! Hits in the last 48 hours from the UK and Canada!

i just returned from IV South annual Ladies Night, where the guys put on a whole program designed to entertain and edify the women. It was really neat. The theme this year was the 80s. There was a little Dirty Dancing, Back to the Future, Care Bears, Punky Brewster, Garbage Pail Kids, everything. Anyway, it was neat to get to see the senior women as the featured honorees and to just feel loved and appreciated. i love the men in our chapter :o) it was also neat to see Dan and talk to him in front of people and not care. It has been tough to figure out how exactly to act around him in community, but lately, i have just lightened up and laid back. Things often become less of an issue when you do that, and at the very least, you are less stressed out.

i have been thinking lately about Gary Chapman's five love languages. i begin by cautioning that i have never actually read the book, but know quite a bit about it. According to Chapman, there are five ways of giving and recieving love: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. i have decided that i express and recieve love by all the means, and have a hard time when any one of these categories is neglected. i am so difficult! Luckily, the people who love me utilize all of these methods, so i am in good shape. It is funny though, at one time or another, i couldn't handle every single one of these methods. Maybe i am out of angst-riddenness! i am BARELY still a teenager. Practically grown-up, i tell ya!