i got there a little early to draw out the goodbye
but i found the doors locked when i gave them a try
so i was relegated to a small playground
to sit and wait, lament my fate, aware of each heart pound

how i got upon the swing i shall never know
but when i sat there i was sure it was where i should go
nostalgic childhood memories of many seasons past
replaced the sinking knowledge that my summer couldn't last

well i'm soaring through life on a swing and a prayer
and this rusty old metal helps get me somewhere
when it feels like these mountains are too high to climb
i just sit back relax and give it some time

on the horizon stood the San Juans beautiful and fierce
the cobalt sky the snow-capped mountains ever boldly pierced
i wondered when i'd ever see a sight like that again
then i knew that all my life was like that panoramic span

well i'm soaring through life on a swing and a prayer
and this rusty old metal helps get me somewhere
when it feels like these mountains are too high to climb
i just sit back relax and give it some time

mountain peaks and the valleys below
all in stride on a swing i float
heavenly beams and chains of grace
a life that's guided by his glorious chase
of me, of me, ooh of me

well i'm soaring through life on a swing and a prayer
and this rusty old metal helps get me somewhere
when it feels like these mountains are too high to climb
i just sit back relax and give it some time

[finished at Caribou Coffee on Franklin St. 9:42 pm. Chords and melody provided upon request]

"i could hear the church bells ringing
they peeled aloud your praise
the member's faces were smiling
with their hands outstretched to shake
it's true they did not move me
my heart was hard and tired
the perfect fire annoyed me
i could not find you anywhere
could someone please tell me the story
of sinners ransomed from the fall
i still have never seen you, and somedays
i don't love you at all"
--from "secret of the easy yoke" by pedro the lion

If you have things to do today, don't start playing this game

Jamie's show was really good. She played "Running". i love that song. "How dastardly! Oh-no-no-no. I am running..."

why do i only have crushes on people i can't date?

my good friend Kristin stayed up late and read ALL my archives last night. i just wanted to recognize her magnificent feat of patient endurance :o)

Two different people asked me if i was on a date at the Caedmon's show, though my party was three--my roommate, a guy friend and i. Their reasoning? i was wearing black capri pants.

i've helped with some pretty fun shoots for work recently. Last Thursday, we shot the senior basketball players for the front of the media guide and program. They are nice. In order of niceness: Kris Lang, Jason Capel, Brian Bersticker and Orlando Melendez. Today we shot Coach Bunting with the broken uprights from Saturday's game. My boss Dan told me i was a great photographer's assistant, basically because i don't speak to subjects unless spoken to. Can my character and personality be changing?

God is so good. He sent a fire alarm twenty-five minutes ago to wake me so i can finish my big american studies paper due today. Now i am experiencing his justice... the fire alarm is still going off.

O Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end;
Be Thou forever near me, my Master and my Friend;
I shall not fear the battle if Thou art by my side,
Nor wander from the pathway if Thou wilt be my Guide.

O let me feel Thee near me! The world is ever near;
I see the sights that dazzle, the tempting sounds I hear;
My foes are ever near me, around me and within;
But Jesus, draw Thou nearer, and shield my soul from sin.

O let me hear Thee speaking in accents clear and still,
Above the storms of passion, the murmurs of self will.
O speak to reassure me, to hasten or control;
O speak, and make me listen, Thou Guardian of my soul.

O Jesus, Thou hast promised to all who follow Thee
That where Thou art in glory there shall Thy servant be.
And Jesus, I have promised to serve Thee to the end;
O give me grace to follow, my Master and my Friend.

O let me see Thy footprints, and in them plant mine own;
My hope to follow duly is in Thy strength alone.
O guide me, call me, draw me, uphold me to the end;
And then in Heaven receive me, my Savior and my Friend.

O JESUS I HAVE PROMISED by John Bode, 1868

unc 41 // fsu 9
kenan stadium's never seen a game like today.
i will never forget it.

i went to see pedro the lion last night at Cat's Cradle with Seldom and American Analog Set. First off, i must admit, i love the Cat's Cradle. It is a neat venue with a rich history and a certain ghetto charm. for example, there are several random bundles of christmas lights wrapped in crepe paper hanging from the ceiling. Each of the stall doors in the women's restroom are painted black with a white paint handprint on the right side with either "push" or "pull" jotted down to aid hurried concertgoers. I am not the only one taken by its charm, both readers and critics voted it best small venue in the Triangle in the recent Spectator poll. Anyway, obviously, i am excited about seeing the show at my favorite venue and as we were walking we passed Amante's, the pizza joint next door. Suddenly, all four of us who rode over together proclaimed in unison "Look! There's David Bazan in Amante's! And Jason Arthurs [a friend of ours] is with him!" We were a little pumped at this point. We were there. David was there. it promised to be a good show. The opening act for the Pedro tour is a very emo band called Seldom, from Seattle. i really enjoyed their sound, but as often the case, had a hard time catching the lyrics. i was also very distracted by the sheer emo quotient of the band. They really looked the part, except for David Bazan who was helping out by playing bass [and keyboard, for one song]. Meadow and i had to giggle about it a bit. The last song ended in the best emo jam i've ever heard and i was sorry i didn't have $6 to get their ep. The second opener was American Analog Set. in between Seldom and American Analog Set i had time to mingle and discover i knew two or three dozen people at the show. i love people that listen to good music! So, anyway, Meadow and i were tired and elected to sit along the outside in order to rest before Pedro and so i didn't physically see much of their set. Honestly, i wasn't impressed. All but one of their songs started with the same little chord progression on the keyboard. It was bad enough that someone requested "Freebird". Two opening acts is hard when the crowd is pumped up for some Pedro. in between American Analog Set and Pedro the Lion the boys were smoking cigars. They often do this. i sometimes see them. i have always been curious. So i tried it out. Very sweet and somewhat pleasant. Not at all what i expected. Don't worry, i am not planning to start smoking cigars everyday or anything! it was a good way to pass the time between sets. So finally, Pedro the Lion took the stage. Last year i saw them at Go and the venue is so small i was pushed up against the stage, inches from David Bazan's legs. That was very intimate but it was neat to be farther back and see it all more panoramically. They played new stuff they are working out to record at the end of the tour. They played old stuff like "Bad Diary Days" "Big Trucks" "Criticism as Inspiration" and "When they really get to know you they will run." The music was superbly played but one of the coolest things is that David took questions from the audience throughout the show. "Where'd Pedro the Lion come from?" "When's the new cd coming out?" "What is this essay you are always talking about?" "Where are you playing tomorrow?" it was fun. David might have said it best when he said "Wow, this is bitchin'. We usually play over at Go and that's cool. But this is-- Wow." If you want to know the non-musical highlight of the evening... well, that would be another post.

i don't know if anyone noticed from my last post but i went to a different church on Sunday. i am struggling with what i believe the role of the church is in my life and the more i struggle the more i see the ways that the Good Shepherd doesn't meet my perceived needs. Some things are taken for granted. I need a reformed church that is actively worshipping God and pursuing his purpose. Other things are more me-specific. For example, i live on campus. 90% of the people i know are students. 5% are professors, former professors and adults at work. 5% are people who recently graduated and still live in town or are random friends in their twenties. i am disappointed by the narrowness of my existence. i want to really know people from other generations and learn from them and that doesn't happen for me at CGS. i want a service where i am known. and i'm not self-centered in this request, i want everyone to be known. God forbid, if i was going through a crisis of great magnitude, i want a church that would stand behind me in prayful support and encouragement. i don't just want to be a nameless face in the Sunday morning crowd. Lord, lead me to a home in your body...

Our God, our help in ages past, Our hope for years to come,
Our shelter from the stormy blast, and our eternal home.

Under the shadow of Thy throne, Thy saints have dwelt secure;
Sufficient is Thine arm alone, And our defense is sure.

Before the hills in order stood, Or earth received her frame,
From everlasting Thou art God, To endless years the same.

A thousand ages in Thy sight Are like an evening gone;
Short as the watch that ends the night, before the rising sun.

Time, like an ever rolling stream, bears all its sons away;
They fly, forgotten, as a dream dies at the opening day.

Our God, our help in ages past, Our hope for years to come,
Be Thou our guard while troubles last, and our eternal home.

Words by Isaac Watts, 1719. Sung this morning at Blacknall Memorial Presbyterian in downtown Durham.

Last night after seeing Jason Harrod and Claire Holley with Rob Seals at a house concert, Jamie, Dawn and i headed over to the Williamses where we ate yummy cookies and listened to Mark's new album, which had been mastered that day. It amazed me. Some tracks sounded like Journals of a Recovering Skeptic, some rocked out a little more, all the lyrical content was great... You'll have to get Mark to tell you about recording. They did all of the main parts [vocals, drums, bass, main accoustic] live in the studio and then they added extra instrumentation later. Very organic but still sounds well put together. You are going to love this CD. i am so excited about getting my very own copy in a month or so.

"... and the reality is, we just aren't Job. Last time i checked, we weren't righteous." --Dawn Morrow

Out of Tuesday's tragedy, a new wave of patriotism has risen. Every frat house and nearly every residence in the neighborhoods surrounding UNC is flying an American flag. The UNC Hospitals central building has unfurled one at least 5 stories high. Clothing with the stars and stripes has never been more popular, and i have even seen a few Gulf War-era "Proud to be an American" tees. i've loved seeing this unity, the unity called for again and again in televised speeches, remarks here on campus and at peace vigils. However, i still long to see a unity centered on something more eternal than the United States of America.

The sky was bright blue today, contrasting the vivid green of the trees. The sunshine beat down upon my skin, warming it as fast as the soft breeze could cool it. i wanted it to be grey and cold and drizzly. It felt as if nature was mocking the tragedy. As i went throughout the day, more and more my heart's cry became and remains "Come, Lord Jesus."

you'll make me feel transparent
nothing to hide and nothing to fear
elated or angry or sullen
verbose or short, you'll hear
i won't help but leave you smiling
a joy you'll never cease to be
and when i'm troubled writing
you'll find my song's melody
i've often been misguided
and thought that you i'd found
but against my fortune i confess
your kind does not abound

reblogger is back, but we've lost all our good conversations from before. extra incentive to post :o)

Jesus, Thy blood and righteousness my beauty are, my glorious dress;
’Midst flaming worlds, in these arrayed, with joy shall I lift up my head.

Bold shall I stand in Thy great day; for who aught to my charge shall lay?
Fully absolved through these I am from sin and fear, from guilt and shame.

When from the dust of death I rise to claim my mansion in the skies,
Ev’n then this shall be all my plea, Jesus hath lived, hath died, for me.

Jesus, the endless praise to Thee, whose boundless mercy hath for me—
For me a full atonement made, an everlasting ransom paid.

O let the dead now hear Thy voice; now bid Thy banished ones rejoice;
Their beauty this, their glorious dress, Jesus, Thy blood and righteousness.

"Jesus Thy Blood and Righteousness" by Nikolaus Ludwig von Zinzendorf, 1739 / translated into English by John Wesley, 1740.

i went to hear Mike Garrigan [the frontman for the now-defunct band Collapsis who now plays guitar and sings with Athenaeum] play a solo show at a little chapel hill coffee joint tonight. it was three hours long. amazing. For your own good, get some of his stuff. The Lesson of Autumn is the best, but you can most likely find Collapsis' Dirty Wake in your local CD superstore. maybe tomorrow i will write an entry that doesn't plug a cool guitarist. maybe not.

Eric Peters' new album Land of the Living is terrific. He is a crafty lyricist. And frankly, the production is head and shoulders above More Than Watchmen. Surf over to his site and buy it. You'll be glad.

all I have, I give to you / tear down these walls that you see through / I know the mountains will rise high again / I know the letters will make words again / I know the winter will grow warm again / do you grow tired of telling me the same thing? / you must grow tired of telling me the same thing [ERIC PETERS "i know the mountains"]

i REALLY need a new mouse. The one i am using is 5 years old and it is hinging on "not functional". And it would rock to have one that featured the rolling scrolling wheel. That could be the perfect belated birthday present...

Yesterday was my birthday, the big 20. An escape from teenagedom into the roarin' twenties. The beginning of my third decade. [insert your own homemade clique]. It was a VERY good birthday. My family celebrated over the weekend and between going out to a nice dinner, having a bbq, a dairy queen cake, shopping for presents AND getting wrapped ones i felt pretty dang cool. So, i come back to campus and expected a few people to remember. i got an ecard when i woke up from my best guy friend from hs through college, my most steadfast friend. Honestly, he usually does a bit better on making me feel special. Then all throughout the day no one but my roommate told me happy birthday so i was feeling neglected. About 4:00 pm i was practically paranoid. "if they aren't throwing me a surprise party, i don't like my friends!" So, i left work at 5 and bumped into two guy friends in the Pit, the central part of campus. They definitely had no idea that it was my birthday so when they asked me how i was, i leveled and told them that i was getting a little mad at my closest friends about the bday thing and they really wanted to cheer me up, so they sang at the top of their lungs in front of God and all the campus "happy birthday". it was a fun moment. After i hung with them for an hour or so, i went to meet my friend Susan for dinner and behold, there was a dozen or so of my friends, bursting out from the Planetarium area, waiting to wisk me off to Carolina Brewery for dinner. Don't worry! you can get food there! And it was yummy and i got cool cards and thoughtful gifts [and a great poem!]. so i felt loved. i got my own cake baked for me. i am really proud of my gifts if you want to hear about them. so, that was my birthday, the short version.

i got my license renewed today. This may seem mundane to you, but it was a big event for me. You see, the last four years i have lived with a license that makes me look, as one friend said, "like a crack whore." Seriously, that really does it justice. puffy eyes. a glazed look. wow. i still have it, for those who never had the pleasure of seeing it. So, today i trucked down to my local dmv office, plopped down my $12.50, failed the vision test several times, got myself a third chance, finally passed and got my new photo done. Now i look like a recovering crack addict. Well, two cheers for progress.

upcoming concerts i am going to:
claire holley . 13 sept . cats cradle [2.5 miles away]
jason harrod . 14 sept . house concert in raleigh
pedro the lion . 19 sept . cat's cradle
caedmons call . 23 sept . providence bapt in raleigh
jamie bevill . 28 sept . skylight exchange in chapel hill
isn't that exciting?

Kind readers, i miss knowing what y'all think so i set up ReBlogger, a decent weblog forum for us to use. Feel free to scroll down and post your thoughts on any of my last dozen or so posts to kick the feedback frenzy off.

overheard within five minutes in the Knox house:

Robbie swings bat and says "Home Run!"
Janelle "Speaking of Home runs, can we get another phone line?"

Laura to Robbie "Ewww. Your butt smells like booty."

[ obviously i am not at Bill and VOL. :o( ]