i need some ideas for a summer job. Last summer i worked at first pres Montrose as a high school intern and the summer before that i wrote for christianity.com in Virginia Beach. My only criteria is that i make some money and am not doing anything mundane all day long. Traveling is a plus. Any suggestions?

Often times i believe that i have lost my innocence somewhere along the way. Tonight i experienced the softness left in my soul. i was driving up to my evening class (it's a 25 minute walk and i thought it might be wise not to walk alone in the dark there and back) and i saw an ambulance pass by, sirens roaring and lights flashing. Immediately i wondered what the situation was and prayed for their family to be comforted and to know God's presence in spite of whatever was going on. It's been quite some time since i've done that. After i parked i had a short walk to my classroom building and i noticed how perfect the temperature was and how soft the moonlight lay on the beautiful buildings on our campus. i looked forward to see a stranger doing much the same thing. We both smiled broadly and naturally at one another as we passed, no words necessary to cement the moment we shared. Maybe i am not the cynic i think myself to be...

i was chatting it up with my youngest sister today on im, learning about her day. she mentioned yearbook class and i asked "did you win any superlatives?" knowing that they voted on middle school superlatives a few weeks ago. "Yeah, i won some." "Which ones?" "best looking, best personality, best smile, most intelligent, most likely to succeed and most school spirit." So yeah, my sister is popular. i was never popular in middle school or in high school for that matter. i didn't really have any desire to be, either. All of my younger siblings are way cooler than i ever was. i don't want to go back and be popular. i am not jealous. but i am remorseful. their status makes makes me aware that i would have quickly judged them and categorized them as trite, snobby and airheaded if they were my peers. They aren't any of those things. They're quite fabulous human beings i am proud to be related to (most of the time ;o). Truely hindsight is corrected vision. ED. i forgot best smile originally. (2 Feb 2002)

Those in the parking sector of the department of public safety at UNC are anathema!

i have decided that towards the end of each month i wil burn a cd of what i have been listening to that month. A musical diary, if you will. Without further ado, January 2002:

JOHN MAYER . why georgia (live)
dashboard confessional . SCREAMING INFIDELITIES
PEDRO THE LION . of minor prophets and their prostitute wives
collapsis . WHO DO YOU LOVE
MARK WILLIAMS . what luther said
mary chapin carpenter . SOMEONE ELSE'S PRAYER
GLEN PHILLIPS . men just leave
the normals . BEST I CAN
RICH MULLINS . creed
pierce pettis . ABSALOM, ABSALOM
PEDRO THE LION . secret of the easy yoke
avett bros . KIND OF IN LOVE
NICKEL CREEK . the narrow way
tim o'brien . HOLD TO A DREAM
GILLIAN WELCH & ALISON KRAUSS . i'll fly away
avett bros . LET MYSELF LIVE
GLEN PHILLIPS . darkest hour
mark williams . EVENTIDE
RICH MULLINS . elijah
pierce pettis . I'VE GOT A HOPE

Lord Jesus Christ,
Let me see your light, even if I see it from afar or from the depths.
Teach me to seek you, and reveal yourself to this seeker.
For I cannot seek you unless you teach me how,
nor can I find you unless you show yourself to me.
Let me seek you in desiring you, and desire you in seeking you.
Let me find you in loving you and love you in finding you.
I acknowledge, Lord, and I give thanks that you have created in me this your image,
so that I can remember you, think about you and love you.
But it is so worn away by sins, so smudged over by the smoke of sins,
that it cannot do what it was created to do unless you renew and reform it.
I do not even try, Lord, to rise up to your heights,
because my intellect does not measure up to that task;
but I do want to understand in some small measure your truth,
which my heart believes in and loves.
Nor do I seek to understand so that I can believe, but rather I believe so that I can understand.
For I believe this too, that unless I believe I shall not understand
ST ANSELM
[used as a prayer of response today in church]

for my class on the political writings of St. Augustine, i read his Confessions this week. i highly recommend them.

You're outspoken and "out there"- you live life intensely, and dwell on your spiritual side a great deal. You're a natural leader, and you're capable of great things.

many thanks to Kat's fiancee Josh for the link. Click on Bono to take the "Which member of U2 are you?" test for yourself.

i am sitting here at work contemplating my next move in a game of academic chess. i am talking an upper-level religion class on Evangelicalism in America that i was tremendously excited about. Most 100+ reli classes at UNC are challenging and engaging. However, due to voracious reading and a professor who assigned "Left Behind" and who'll let in any student who wants to take the course, i feel as if i won't learn very much in the class. i will certainly make an A or A-, relatively rare commodities in the Religious Studies department. But i don't take classes for easy grades (e.g. three years of Greek).

OPTION ONE: Stay in the class. Impress professor with knowledge. Raise the bar and intimidate students who are only taking the class because it is half Campus Crusaders. Succeed grade wise and get a good graduate school recommendation. Occasionally nap during class.

OPTION TWO: Ask the professor if i can study the subject independently. Read good books. Occasionally stop by class if the syllabus indicates an interesting topic. Write a very very long paper outlining some controversy in the history of Evangelicalism in addition to the very very long paper required for my Political Writings of St. Augustine class. Risk grade and recommendation.

anyone?

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."
—Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Today Americans celebrate the birthday of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., a man who gave his life in pursuit of justice, equality and freedom. Some people got off work. Students missed school. Many stores had sales. I wonder how many people stopped to think about him.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Praise Him all creatures here below!
Praise Him above ye heav'nly host!
Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost! Amen.

the normals' new website is supposed to launch today. i am really excited about their new cd. i anticipate it to be one of my favourite albums of 2002.

i went to the new christian bookstore in town today, Engraved Truth. Basically, it is an embodiment of everything wrong with christian bookstores, and it isn't even part of a chain or the parable group so it has no excuse. i may just open my own Christian bookstore. what should i be sure to carry?

Evangelism to Germans, American Style (from the NY Times)

irony of ironies... a wire services report on Armani and excess

Jesus did not walk up to people in his day and say “Greetings! I am Jesus. Get to know me and you’ll get to know God. Eternal life, guaranteed!” Jesus offered people their deepest desires. For the blind, sight. For the lame, dancing. For the dead, life. For the outcast, community. In his Sermon on the Mount, a familiar passage to most, Jesus makes some colossal promises, “Those mourning are blessed, they will be comforted…” and then he goes on to say, "Ask, and it will be given to you, seek, and you will find, knock, and it will be opened to you. For all asking receive, and the one seeking finds, and to the one knocking it will be opened. And who of y’all is a man who, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? And so if you being evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in the heavens give good things to those who ask him!” Jesus speaks to our sense of desire because it is a universal trait of humanity. We were created to long. The perversion of this is selfish greed, and sometimes in avoiding greed Christians try to avoid desire altogether. That's not necessary. I want a new car. I long for eternity. I want books. I long for companionship. I want to sleep more at night. I long for peace. The difference is clear.

I was created a woman. God created the first woman from the first man and then the narrator says “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh (KJV).” Men and women were created for one another. Hence, it is perfectly natural for me to desire what I was created for: a husband. I am twenty years old. I hope someday to be married. I don’t use that word lightly. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope encourages desire when conventional wisdom says ‘stifle it.’ Not everyone gets married. Not every Christian who wants to get married does. And yet, I allow myself to say that “I long to be married” because I know I was created to be. Being a woman does not entitle me to be married. I’m a Calvinist. I know that being a human and longing for eternity doesn’t entitle anyone to salvation. I know that if I am intended for a life of singleness, God will mold and shape my heart for that. It’s not my job to numb myself from my desire as a safety net just in case marriage doesn’t happen for me. And so I hope.

i love the advertising campaign for Elmo's Diner which i occasionally frequent when i am up for a walk/drive to Carrboro. [geographical note: Carrboro literally bumps into Chapel Hill, just about a mile and a half west of campus]. todays gem: "Paradise for those hungry as a horse and cheap as a skate."

"Trusting in God, depending on God, relying on God, has to begin all over again each and every day." --C.S. Lewis, as quoted by Allan Poole in his sermon this morning.

i have been decieving myself for quite some time. i believed worry to be the opposite of peace. However, worry is the opposite of trust. If only i trusted in the inherent goodness of God! i would then have the boldness and faith to step forward and do the things i was called to without second guessing them or worrying about their outcomes.

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? [26] Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? [27] And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? [28] And why are you anxious about clothing? Con sider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, [29] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. [30] But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? [31] Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' [32] For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. [33] But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. [34] "Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. --Matthew 6:25-34 (English Standard Version)

Having hung out with FOUR former chapel hill residents who were back visiting in the past four days (one per day) i have decided that i wish my friends couldn't move away.

tHe fRiday fiVe

1. What was your first job? i refereed soccer games for CASL.

2. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 14.

3. What was your first car? What happened to it? My first car was a 1997 Nissan 200SX i called "Bullet." the lease ran out 31 May 1999.

4. What was your first concert? the first "child" stub i can find in my parents things indicate it was the Grateful Dead in PA. i was two.

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? grabbing coffee with a friend in a few hours. going to the movies with another friend tonight. hanging out with another friend tomorrow. Church on sunday as well as planning leadership team, getting dinner with my partner and staff worker and then having lead team.

I am driving up 85 in the kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
Just stuck inside the gloom. 4 more exits to my apartment but
I am tempted to keep the car in drive and leave it all behind

Cause I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right? Am I living it right?
Am I living it right? Why Georgia, why?

I rent a room and I fill the spaces with wood in places
to make it feel like home. But all I feel's alone
It might be a quarter life crisis or just the stirring in my soul

Either way I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right? Am I living it right?
Am I living it right? Why Georgia, why?

So what, so I've got a smile on but it's hiding
the quiet superstitions in my head.
Don't believe me when I say I've got it down

Everybody is just a stranger but that's the danger
in going my own way. I guess it's the price I have to pay
Still "everything happens for a reason" is no reason not to ask myself

If I am living it right. Am I living it right?
Am I living it right? Why Georgia, why?
--john mayer

the new semester has commenced so i figured i'd tell you a bit about my classes.

ENGL 058 002 // Shakespeare // Dr. Ritchie Kendall // 09:30-10:45 TuTh
A study of representative histories, comedies, tragedies, and romances. Our aim will be to develop strategies for close readings that pay attention to generic expectation, language, and the physical properties of the stage; at the same time, we will seek to read Shakespeare culturally, to recognize the ways these texts participate in their historical moment and in the debates over social ordering, gender, political authority, economic change, religious controversy, and encounters with foreign cultures and practices. We will praise Shakespeare without etherealizing him and explore his limitations without demeaning his achievement. Teaching methods: We will mix dialogue with soliloquy, meaning you will be encouraged to be garrulous and I will be discouraged from being too much so. Requirements: Frequent quizzes to keep you honest, a reading notebook to keep you thinking, two short papers to keep you writing, and a final examination to keep you guessing. that's the course description Dr. Kendall submitted to the English department. He got hired in 1980 after completing graduate work at Harvard and has taught Shakespeare every semester (and during summer school) for 21 years so i figure he's qualified to teach me about the bard himself. He also happens to be the faculty mentor first assigned to me by my scholarship program. i always thought him to be generally cool and very fair. And i discovered a friend is also enrolled in the class and even though he is a second semester senior, it'll still hopefully increase my productivity.

RELI 140 001 // Evangelicism in America // Dr. Yaakov Ariel // 14:00-15:15 TuTh
THis course will examine evangelicalism and its role in contemporary American society and culture. It will explore the various evangelical subdivisions and groups and the relationship between evangelicalism and movements and groups that are close to it but not necessarily identical with it, such as fundamenalism, Pentacostalism and premillenialism. The course will conclude by investigation the evangelical reaction to contemporary cultural movements such as the women's movement and political issues such as America's international policy. Texts: various articles, Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory, Left Behind, The Late Great Planet Earth and Heaven Below Being a Jew, Dr. Ariel is very sympathetic to Christianity, especially evangelicals, and never belittles people. i have always enjoyed his classes and excelled in them so i expect this to be one of my very favourite courses at UNC. i get the opportunity to make fun of Left Behind and being an upper level religious studies course, i know practically everyone! Fun times for sure.

COMP 096 002 // Computers and Society // Jeannie Walsh // MW 12:30-13:45
Comp 96 is a philosophical perspective course. Through readings, lecture, and discussion, we will identify and explore the cultural, social, philosophical, and economic effects of information technology on individuals and on society. maybe i'll get to do my oral presentation on blogging! this is my last requirement to fulfill at UNC and i figured it sounded much more interesting than most of the courses that were offered as upper-level philosophical perspectives. the instructor is nice and half our class carried over from another class she taught in the fall, which is a good sign.

PHYA 024 002 // Beginning Soccer // some grad student // MW 14:10-15:10
this is pretty self explanatory. it's a one credit PE. it'll be fun. i played soccer in high school, so i hope i can pass without too much trouble.

RELI 169 001 // The Writings of Augustine // Dr. Peter Kaufman // W 19:00-22:00
he gave us this week off so i haven't actually been yet. However, Peter's my current faculty mentor so i expect this class to be very very good. Or else i wouldn't have taken it on Wednesday nights.

your average trip to the grocery store
lettuce . $1.99
vanilla silk soy milk . $2.98
colby jack cheese . $1.89
muenster cheese . $2.07
merita bread . $1.99
blue ribbon rice . $.45
top ramen teriyaki . $.17
top ramen chicken . $.16
large white eggs . $.99
2 roma tomatos . $.45
campbell's chicken noodle soup . $.65
campbell's tomato soup . $.64
Ken's Honey Mustard salad dressing . $1.39
a cucumber . $.45
Peter Pan smooth peanut butter . $1.69
.34 .lb roast beef . $1.98
Butterball Honey Smoked Turkey . $1.69
TOTAL . $22.08
mvp savings $1.38

i highly recommend Relevant Magazine.

the roadtrip was amusing despite hours worth of downpour and depressing northern grey skies. the new car acquired is very nice (i wish it were mine) but my lower back hurts from driving 16 hours in less than a 30 hour period. i don't recommend it.

. the . friday . five .

1. You've just won a complete collection of movies starring one actor - what actor would you pick? Luke Wilson. (maybe i'm just excited about the Royal Tenenbaums.

2. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
the Lord of the Rings Part One: The Fellowship of the Ring

3. What was the last video or DVD that you bought?
wow. i don't buy dvds or videos myself. i ask for them for gifts.

4. What movie could you watch over and over again and not get sick of?
this summer we watched Meet The Parents over and over again and i tired of that one. Probably The Princess Bride

5. How do you plan to spend your weekend?
well, i was just recruited to take a roadtrip to Pennsylvania to pick up a new car my friend just bought. so i'm leaving early tomorrow to do that. after we return, i'm moving back into my dorm and unpacking.

To all the weary and down-trodden, to the tired and weak, to all of you who are singing the three-fold amen as friday inches closer... i recommend a nice, long bubble bath.

** i've decided that my old link policy was rubbish and i'm linking all that i read frequently. nominate yourself or others, but check the new additions first! **

let it snow! let it snow! let it snow!
(geez... seven years in the south has made me a dork!)

ED. it did.

i'm on this vicious sleep cycle. i go to be late and sleep a long time and wake up after noon. thus making me not tired until about 4 am. i need some nyquil!

Last night the clock struck midnight, as it does each evening. But it was different than the night before: balls, acorns, oranges and pickles plummeted down poles and people sang and cheered and toasted and kissed. This hoopla convinced even the youngest children that January first is special. And why is that, exactly? Because the passing of a year reminds each of us of our inherent mortality. The ringing in of the new year is a call to every man to love and to rejoice and to make each moment count because we are journeying ever closer to the last moment. Even if i sometimes find it trite, I'm glad we celebrate the new year because in it is the gospel.